


On Fire

by T97Carolina



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F, Kadena, NSFW, or at least my attempt at a slowburn, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-02-06 17:39:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 32,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12822648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/T97Carolina/pseuds/T97Carolina
Summary: This isn't an AU, it's more of a reimagining of the story we know.  Some scenes are drawn directly from the show, but not too many, I hope.  This is intended to be a slow burn (which is incredibly difficult for me because I'm impatient, so I hope this is a well paced slow burn).Kat Edison is used to getting what she wants.  So when Adena declines to be interviewed for Scarlet Magazine, Kat takes it upon herself to convince her.





	1. Art Show

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo, I am posting this today and staying away until 11/27/17 because I have this big exam that I'm taking. I'm worried that I won't pass and if that happens, I want to be able to come on here and hopefully see some nice comments to lift my spirits. And if I pass my exam, any comments on here will just further lift my spirits. So please, comment if you like this chapter.

“We’re going to an art show tonight,” Kat informs her friends suddenly. 

“Is this part of your plot to get that artist to let Scarlet run an article on her?” Sutton looks up from the computer. Why she bothered to ask is unclear, as she’s certain she knows the answer. There is no way Kat is going to accept that the article she was banking on wouldn’t happen. At least not without a fight. 

“Absolutely. After hours in the lesbian muslim rabbit hole, I am even more convinced that this story would be great for the magazine. And thanks to my fabulous social media skills,” Kat puffs on her fingernails cockily, “I know where she’ll be tonight.”

“You should be writing my How To Stalk piece,” Jane’s voice is laced with frustration. She had been doing her best investigative work trying to find her ex, but without social media, Jane was at a loss for how to find him. 

“Maybe after I convince Adena tonight.” Kat pushes off of Sutton’s desk, excitement drumming in her body. The artist refused the official invitation for an interview, but she wouldn’t be able to say no to Kat. Of this she was sure. 

“How did she get to be so confident?” Sutton looks to Jane incredulously. 

“She was overpraised as a child.”

“I’ll text you the details!” Kat calls out, her hand raised in goodbye. 

***

“When are you going to go talk to her?”

“Patience, Jane. I have to time this properly.” Kat sips on her champagne, watching Adena socialize with an elderly couple. They arrived an hour ago, and Kat hasn’t found her opportunity to catch Adena alone. This may be a multi-artist event, but it’s clear that Adena is the most popular artist featured. 

Kat realizes that Adena has caught her watching. Kat notices the slight twitch of her lip, as if to keep herself from smiling and without meaning to, Kat finds herself mirroring the action. The moment is over as quickly as it started, Adena’s eyes back to the man in front of her. 

“Tell me more about your stalking?”

“Well, Alex and I went to that party which was a complete failure and after that . . . I kind of . . .”

“She’s avoiding,” Sutton finishes Jane’s sentence, looking up from her phone. 

“I’m not avoiding. I . . . I’m -”

“Oh, babe, I get that this has to be difficult, but you deserve closure.” 

“We had closure -”

“The relationship ending isn’t closure,” Sutton argues.

“He’s the first guy you ever said I love you to,” Kat adds.

“I’m fine. And I will - oh, wait, now’s your chance,” Jane gestures to Adena, finally alone. 

“Ooh, thanks.” Kat makes her way towards Adena, Jane and Sutton’s arguing growing fainter. 

“Hi! Ms. El-Amin, I’m Kat Edison.” Kat offers her hand which Adena takes. Adena’s handshake is firm yet warm.

“Please, Adena is fine. Are you enjoying the art?” 

“Oh,” The question, although completely appropriate, catches Kat off guard. She was so focused on convincing Adena to do the interview that she hadn’t bothered to look at any of the work. At least nothing more than a quick glance at the walls when she had been looking for Adena. 

“Uh, yeah, it’s all fantastic,” she supplies hastily, “but I actually wanted to talk to you about your work specifically. I’m the social media director at Scarlet Magazine a--”

Adena’s expression shifts, the welcoming smile and warm eyes are replaced by a hardened look. “And you want to talk about an interview. I’ve already informed Scarlet that I’m not interested. I’m sorry you wasted your time coming here.” 

She’s gone before Kat can formulate any response, her navy duster fluttering with the speed with which she turned away. Kat can feel the involuntary roll of her eyes. She didn’t anticipate such resistance so quickly. Kat downs the rest of her champagne. 

“That was a total bust. She didn’t even let me finish my sentence.”

“Ouch,” Jane looks offended for Kat. 

“Hey, you tried your best.” 

“Oh, I’m not done yet. I just have to change my approach.” Sutton’s attempts at reassurance unnecessary as Kat’s optimism returned with the fresh champagne flute in her hand. 

“I don’t know, Kat. I watched her shut you down. She does not look like she’s interested in any more discussion.” 

“I went in too hard and fast. Next time we talk won’t be like that.” 

“Good luck getting a next time.” 

Kat scans the space, trying to find where Adena has stationed herself now. 

She’s off to the side with a group of people, they’re all talking animatedly in the familiar manner of good friends. Adena’s smile is wider, more genuine as she talks to them, and Kat is able to catch a hint of laughter from her. Laughter that makes Kat smile and almost forget the irritation of being snubbed. 

“I guess I’ll just appreciate the art until she’s free again.” 

***

Kat is fixated on this portrait. She knew logically that a story on Adena’s work would be significant for Scarlet. It ticks off all their boxes; it’s feel good, sexy, and just the right amount of political. She knew this. But she hadn’t properly understood the significance of Adena’s work. Looking at these women’s faces, Kat feels it. She understands why this is meaningful. 

It’s this one particular portrait that’s done it. Kat can only see the eyes of this woman, clad in black, holding a “Misunderstood” sign. There’s something there that resonates. That she feels deep within her. Perhaps it’s Kat’s awareness that she would use this very sign if Adena were to photograph her. 

Kat feels a shiver run through her which she initially attributes to the emotions the portrait is stirring up. But the feeling lingers, as though someone is there with her. Kat looks around, to find the source of these sensations. 

Her eyes wander across the gallery; she sees that Jane and Sutton have circled back to the bar, and then she sees Adena. Adena, staring at her. It’s not the cold look she gave her before walking away. It’s calm and inquisitive and completely entrancing. 

And then Adena looks away. 

Kat returns her attention to the next piece of art. Without Adena’s piercing gaze, Kat can focus on her plan. She’ll continue along this wall. Assuming Adena doesn’t go too far, Kat will be near enough to try and start another conversation with her. Kat was so consumed with her thoughts that she didn’t hear Adena’s approaching steps. 

“Enjoying the art?” 

Kat smiles at the repetition of her earlier question; she gathers the underlying message. “Yeah. It’s all so beautiful and moving. Especially that one,” Kat points back towards the Misunderstood Portrait. 

“I saw you circle back to it a few times.” The fact that Adena had watched her enough to know she had done so isn’t lost on Kat. 

“There’s something about her eyes. I - I don’t know.” Kat looks to Adena hoping she doesn’t find her difficulty with articulation offensive. She wasn’t expecting her struggle with words would be the thing that made Adena’s smile return. 

“I’m glad you’re finding the art provocative. It’s what I hope to do with my work.” . 

“Look, I know I came on strong earlier. But I really believe that an article in Scarlet would be beneficial for everyone.” 

Adena shakes her head, but the smile doesn’t leave her face. In fact, Kat swears that Adena may have actually huffed out a small laugh. “You are relentless.” 

Bolstered by that smile and the fact that Adena hasn’t left, Kat can feel her self assuredness growing. “You have no idea.” 

It’s like a waiting game, neither of them following up to Kat’s last statement, although their eyes don’t leave each other. Adena is clearly more comfortable with this and Kat breaks. 

“Let me convince you. At the end of the show, let’s get a drink -”

“I don’t drink.” The cocked eyebrow telling Kat to _try again_.

“Right,” Kat mentally reprimands her oversight, “Some food then. Just hear me out. If I can’t convince you by the end of tonight, I’ll leave you alone. I promise.” Kat smiles at Adena, imploring her to see her as charming instead of annoying. 

Adena purses her lips in thought. She finally responds, “Okay.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yes. I’ll find you when this is over. And we’ll talk. But when I say no at the end of the night, you will accept that.”

“ _IF_ you say no, I will definitely leave you alone after tonight.


	2. Let Me Convince You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kat works on convincing Adena to let Scarlet run an article on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I passed my exam, y'all!

“So who’s amazing?” Kat asks rhetorically, bouncing with satisfaction on her way back to her friends. 

“You got her to say yes?!” 

“Basically.” 

“That’s a no.”

“I’m about to. Once the show is over, we’re gonna grab something to eat, and I’m going to convince her. Lauren?” 

“Yeah,” Sutton pockets her phone, “something that needs to be corrected before tomorrow morning. I’m going to head out.” 

“You can leave, too. This should be over soon.” The patrons have been trickling out the last few minutes as the event winds down. 

“I don’t mind waiting with you.” 

“You know, I saw what I wanted and I went after it. You can, too, Tiny Jane.”

“I get it, Kat. You think I should reach out to Eric.”

Kat sees the love in the glare Jane is casting. She throws her arm around Jane’s neck and pulls her into a tight hug. “I just want the best for you,” Kat’s words slightly muffled by the pressure of her cheek against the top of Jane’s head. 

“I know.” Jane wraps her arms around Kat's waist, her defensiveness melting away. “And I know you’re right. I do need more closure.” 

“Sutton and I will be here for you.” Jane can be like Kat in this regard; someone who struggles to ask for help when feelings are involved. They have their own brand of avoidance and minimizing. And they both know how to be there for the other even when they insist they don’t need anyone. 

“Thank you. I’ll probably need it. And a bottle of wine.” 

Kat is laughing and nodding her head in agreement, when she feels a soft touch to her shoulder. Adena stands before her with her bag at her side. “I’m ready when you are.” 

“Yeah, I’m ready. Bye, babe! I’ll call you later tonight,” she informs Jane as she walks out with Adena.

***

They chose a small café near the gallery. Although it was a little tight, getting a table was easy and service was quick, allowing Kat to dive into her spiel.

“So, Scarlet has a circulation of over 3 million and social media reaches another 6 million people. I understand why those numbers might be kind of intimidating.”

“I’m not intimidated. It’s that Scarlet is a completely unfeminist magazine. And I can’t associate my art with such a magazine.” 

“That’s actually a common misconception.”

“It’s about clothes and makeup. And how to get boys.” Adena challenges, her eyes narrowed, face unconvinced. 

“When Jacqueline took over the magazine, she shifted the focus. She calls it stealth feminism. It’s no longer how to please your man - or woman - in bed. It’s how to please yourself.” 

Rather than disarming Kat, Adena’s challenge only invigorated her. She’s not being dismissive, she’s actually sharing her concerns and listening to Kat’s explanations. Kat continues to draw examples from articles Scarlet has recently run to prove that the magazine espouses feminism and Adena’s work would fit right in. Slowly, Kat can see Adena’s desire to argue subside as she takes in the information. 

Their easy back and forth conversation around the magazine begins to shift and they're soon discussing Adena’s work in a more general manner. It’s light and fun. So much so, that Kat starts to forget that there is a goal for the end of the meal. 

Kat’s phone rattles on the tabletop, Jane’s face lighting up the screen. “Sorry.” Kat ignores the call. “You were telling m-”

“You can answer. I wouldn’t want your girlfriend to worry.”

“Jane? She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, I just assumed - Uh,” Adena hesitates before continuing “What is your sexual orientation?”

Kat assesses Adena, trying to get a read on her intentions. “Out and proud hetero, sorry.” Kat shrugs.

Adena chuckles. “It wasn’t a come on.” Relentless, arrogant, and grudgingly, she'd admit, charming. Kat. Adena smiles despite herself.

“It’d be okay if it was. I could do worse. And you know - honestly, I actually really get the whole girl thing. But you know for me I could just never get past “this”.” She gestures below. 

Adena laughs lightly. “Well for me it’s never just been about this. It’s,uh, more about this.” She places her hand on her heart, looking at Kat earnestly. 

“Damn, I’ve never really been much of a boobs girl either.” Kat drinks her water, averting her eyes from Adena. Adena, who is still looking directly at her.

“You use humor to hide your real emotions.”

“Okay, alright. I’m gonna ask you a personal question. Why do you still wear a hijab, isn’t it kind of contradictory?”

“I choose to wear it. It does not oppress me but liberates me from society’s expectations of what a woman should look like. People tend to get uncomfortable when they cannot put you into a box. But, I've always liked to make people uncomfortable.”

“Well you’re very good at it.” Their gaze interrupted by Kat’s phone buzzing again.

Kat’s brow furrows in concern when she sees Jane’s name again. “I should probably get this.” 

Adena busses their table while Kat deals with Jane. Jane who apparently decided she needed to drink a little bit more before calling Eric. Who didn’t realize that a little bit more pushed her from the ‘pumped and ready to go’ stage to the ‘Kat, I need you to come hold my hair while I puke’ stage. 

“I - have to go.” Kat realizes in saying it aloud that she doesn’t want to say goodbye just yet. She was enjoying getting to know Adena. The person, not just the artist she’s trying to score an interview with. “My friend isn’t feeling too well.”

“Of course,” Adena expresses understanding, following Kat to the sidewalk. “I go this way.”

“I’m going to catch a cab. It was nice getting to know you, Adena el Amin.” She offers a handshake as goodbye.

“You, too, Kat Edison.” 

Kat is walking towards the street, towards the approaching cab she has hailed, when she hears Adena’s voice call out to her. 

“I’ll do it! I’ll do the interview!”

“Yeah? Great!” Kat beams. Just before slamming the door shut she lets Adena know, “Someone will call your manager to set things up.”

***

“Jane?” Kat rouses her, laying on the coffee table in her living room. She offers a filled water bottle. “Where’s Sutton?” It’s not absurdly late, but she would have expected her home by now. 

“With a man!” Jane whisper yells. “Oh, God.” She wobbles to the restroom as fast as she can. Kat follows close behind, ready to pull Jane’s hair back. 

“A man?” She questions as she rubs circles on Jane’s back, soothing her, as she empties the contents of her stomach. 

“I called her first. She said she was at the office, but she sounded guilty. And I definitely heard a man’s voice before she hung up.” Jane flushes the toilet and wipes her face with a tissue. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Kat offers Jane the water bottle again.

“Hey! What happened with Adena?”

“She said yes!”

“Yay!” Jane moves her index fingers in the air celebrating. 

“For a second I had my doubts. She's stubborn and she seems like the type to, like have her convictions, and stand by them. It's really admir-”

“Wait! I know how to find her!” Kat's reflections on Adena cut short when Jane’s mind returns to Sutton. She pulls up an app on her phone and shows Kat. “There, that’s where Sutton is. That liar.”

Kat helps steady Jane as they move to the bedroom and crawl into bed. “Okay, babe. We’ll find her in the morning.” Her words lost on Jane, breathing heavily, already asleep. 

***

“I still can’t believe that you’re sleeping with Richard Hunter.”

“Kat,” Sutton pokes her head between the dresses in the rack, “we cannot talk about this here.”

“Nobody’s in here.” Kat gestures to the empty fashion closet. 

“How long have you two been . . . what are you two doing?”

“It’s . . . complicated. A couple of months.”

“A couple of months?!” Jane gapes.

“How did you keep this from us for so long?”

The door swings open before Sutton can answer. 

“Hey, Kat. Jacqueline is going to have me write the piece on Adena. Can I get that contact info for her manager?”

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute, Alex.” 

Sutton waits until she hears the click of the door to continue. 

“That’s why we can’t talk here. But come over tonight, I’ll fill you in. I’m kind of relieved you found out. Even if it was by stalking me.”


	3. Interview

Situated at her desk, Kat fumbles through her drawers for the contact information for Adena’s manager. Maybe Jane was right, and she needed to learn how to organize her life better. With a few more shuffles of the contents in her drawer, Kat finds the scrap piece of paper with Firuze’s number tucked neatly into a notebook. 

Alex still hasn’t returned to his desk. She could leave the information on his desk, or wait for him to come back . . . or . . .

Kat pulls out her phone and dials the number. Alex’s schedule should be pretty open for this interview. She can set this up. 

Kat wraps her fingers around the cord of the phone, ringing in her ears. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, this is Kat Edison calling from Scarlet Magazine.”

“Kat, hello. Adena mentioned that Scarlet would be reaching out to schedule an interview.”

“Yes, Alex Cr-”

“I’m sorry, Kat,” Firuze interrupts. “Adena is actually here and it seems she would like to schedule this herself.” Kat shifts to sit upright, hears the transfer of the phone. 

“Kat?” Adena’s voice comes through, eliciting a smile from Kat. 

“Hey! I didn’t think I’d catch you for scheduling.”

“Typically you wouldn’t. But I heard Firuze mention your name, and actually, I didn’t expect you to be calling to schedule.”

“I had to make sure you didn’t back out.” Kat jokes, feeling satisfied when she hears Adena’s laughter.

“When should we schedule?”

“The sooner the better. What works for you?”

Adena hums and there’s the sound of ruffling of papers. Kat imagines Adena opening a paper planner, running her finger along each day, trying to find an acceptable date. “I’m actually free next Wednesday, around 11:30am.”

“Perfect. The writer is Alex Crawford. . . “ Kat provides Adena with the address to get to Scarlet along with directions for checking in. She lingers on the phone, confirming the details with Adena, until there’s nothing more to say, and she has no reason to stay on the line. 

Kat holds out the scrap piece of paper when she sees Alex walking towards her. 

“Manager's name is Firuze and I scheduled the interview.” With her pen she indicates the date and time she added below the phone number.

“Thanks.” Alex's look of surprise lost on Kat as she has begun energetically tweeting for the Soul Wheel event Scarlet will be hosting.

***

Kat weaves through the office, responding to Sutton’s group text asking to _meet in the fashion closet ASAP_. Three years of rushing to the fashion closet to share triumphs and worries, Kat could find her way there with her eyes closed. 

“Kat,” Adena’s cheerful voice draws Kat's attention away from the phone. She had been so focused on her text, that she hadn’t seen Adena leaning against the front desk. Most likely checking in to meet Alex. 

“Adena, hi!” 

Kat stretches her hand out in greeting. Just as she had done at the gallery. But this time Adena doesn't take it. Instead, she shakes her head at Kat before placing her hands on Kat’s arms, leaning in to kiss her cheek. The action completely unexpected, Kat feels herself stiffen slightly, feels the hairs on the nape of her neck bristle with goosebumps. This level of affection with a person she barely knows is foreign to Kat, and she finds herself letting out a nervous giggle. 

If Adena heard she doesn't draw attention to it. And with Adena no longer touching her, Kat is able to focus on telling the admin that she can take Adena to Alex. 

“So, how have you been?”

“Good. I’m kind of excited for this article.” 

“Alex is great. You’ll love what he writes up.” The walk to Alex’s desk is short, too short, Kat laments when they arrive. “Alex this is Adena. Adena, this is Alex.” 

Kat’s about to turn away, when she feels this urge. Before she can question it, Kat stutters out, “Uh, hey, Adena. If you don’t have to run after this, we should grab lunch.”

Adena’s calm eyes look over Kat’s face, her voice warm. “I’d like that.” 

“Cool. Find me when you’re done?” 

 

Kat leaves them to the interview, casting one last glance back at Adena. She picks up her pace when she remembers that she was supposed to be on her way to the fashion closet. 

“Took you long enough. Wait. Why does your face look like that?” 

“Like what?” Kat pretends not to know what Sutton is referring to. Pretends to be unaware of the sensation in her cheeks that tells her she had been smiling broadly just seconds ago. How long had she been smiling like that? 

“You’re flushed.”

“I - was rushing here. Anyway, what’s going on with you. You asked to meet up.” Kat’s attempts at shifting the conversation away from her successful.

“Alex just let me know that Oliver’s assistant quit. You guys,” she looks to them dramatically, pulling the scarf around her neck, “there’s an opportunity in the fashion department!”

“Oh my God, that’s amazing!” Jane clasps her hands in excitement.

“You’re going for it, right?!”

“I have to! And with the mess over the Planned Parenthood fundraiser, I’m going to show Oliver just how much of an asset I am.”

“Yeah, babe,” Kat high fives Sutton. 

***

“I am so not looking forward to this Soul Wheel thing.” Kat finishes a tweet and drops her phone on the table by her soda. 

“Soul Wheel?”

“It’s this spinning event, and I’m totally psyched for it, but I’d be even more psyched if I didn’t actually have to participate. Exercise isn’t really my thing.” Kat bites down on a fry emphasizing her sentiments. 

“No? You don’t exercise?” 

“The only exercise you’ll catch me doing is dancing in my kitchen . . . when I make coffee. Because I also don’t cook.”

This has to be the third time Kat’s made Adena laugh over lunch, although this laugh is more out of disbelief than Kat’s necessarily being funny. Regardless, she hadn’t been trying to make Adena laugh, and she’s finding that she enjoys the sound. She appreciates the soft noise, the exhale of breath that precedes her chuckle. The way she casts her eyes down, as though she can’t believe what she hears. Everything about the way she laughs seems suited to her. 

“So what did you think of the interview?”

“You were right, I did like Alex. He was easy to talk to. I look forward to reading the article when it comes out.”

“I’ll keep you posted on any updates. And you should probably get ready, because your phone will be blowing up with notifications.” 

“Mm, unlikely. I don’t have any social media apps on my phone. Well, other than Instagram.”

“I’m sorry, what? How, how is that possible?” 

“I’m not really much of a phone person. And when I started to get noticed more, people didn’t exactly appreciate the “proud Muslim lesbian” part of my social media profiles.” 

“Oof,” Kat groans in understanding. When she was doing her research on Adena, she had noticed Adena's unapologetic openness about her sexuality. Kat’s almost ashamed to admit, even to herself, that she didn’t think of the potential consequences Adena might face for her choice to include that information online. 

“Yeah, I got a lot of death threats at first.”

“Oh my God, Adena. That’s awful.” 

“It’s rare now, but it reinforced my choice not to have social media apps on my phone. I can check social media from my laptop. And you can keep me updated via text.” Adena takes Kat’s phone, typing in her contact info. “And this way, you won’t need to go through my manager if you need anything in the future.”

The ease with which she took her phone without asking, not conceiving of the possibility that Kat might take offense fascinates her. It’s this calm confidence she exudes that makes her want to know more about her. Kat reaches out to take the phone extended to her. Her fingertips lightly brush against Adena’s fingers as the phone is transferred. The contact brief, but instantly, Kat felt a tingle where they had touched and an unexpected heat grow on her cheeks. “Uh,” she swallows, “Thanks.” 

Adena checks her watch. “I’m sorry, Kat. I have to leave. I have a shoot in the Middle East, and I still have to pack for my red-eye flight.”

“Oh, yeah, go! I’ll, uh, I’ll talk to you later.” Adena raises her hand in a goodbye as she walks away. 

Kat waits a few minutes, finishing her fries before she texts Adena. 

_Safe travels._


	4. Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about magazines, like timelines for interviews or how it all comes together or terminology, so forgive anything that isn't right. If it's ridiculously off feel free to let me know so I can try and be more authentic. Also, I hope you can follow the group convos!

“Jacqueline wants you to lose the khakis.” Sutton rifles through the racks of clothing trying to find the perfect outfit. 

“What’s wrong with the khakis?”

“So much. But more important than Alex’s khakis, is the fact that Pinstripe guy tried to flirt with me in the elevator.” 

Jane throws her purse on the floor and stomps to the ottoman where Kat is already seated. 

“Get it,” Kat encourages absentmindedly. 

“Ew, no not with him. He’s sexist and misogynistic. I am not interested.” 

“He’s not that bad, Jane. Have you read his articles?” 

“Try this shirt.”

“What, How to F asterisk percentage sign k Like a Porn Star? No thank you.”

“Speaking of sex, I had a sex dream about Adena last night.” The room silences for a second, all eyes on Kat. 

“I’m going to need more details. But make it fast because I need to get back to helping Oliver.” 

“Yeah. . . I’m gonna go.” Alex expresses his thanks to Sutton as he walks out in a Scarlet worthy outfit. 

Kat sits up on the ottoman facing Jane and Sutton, their attentive faces waiting for more. “Last night, I decided to follow Adena on Instagram. Her personal account. And I was just scrolling through her photos and I must have fallen asleep while scrolling. Because the only thing I remember is Adena’s face and some nice feelings,” Kat gestures over her body. “I can’t remember all the details.”

“Okay, we definitely need to process this more, but I need to get back. Come over this weekend?”

***

Kat is lying comfortably in her bed after a full evening of reality television and Thai food. She’s typically capable of falling asleep easily, her bed being one of her favorite places to be. But when she closes her eyes tonight, her mind wanders to Adena. Of how it’s been a few days since she left and neither had messaged the other. 

When she left the office earlier today, Kat had noticed a picture of Adena on the layout wall. Her face composed and neutral. The light blues of her hijab standing out against the dark backdrop, her face radiant despite the lack of makeup. Adena was holding a sign that read “provacateur”.

Kat had snapped a photo before she left, and perhaps this would be the opening to a conversation. Kat finds her phone hidden beneath her pillow, pulls up the photo to share. 

_They chose a great photo :)_

She hasn't learned the time difference between the U.S. and wherever Adena was in the Middle East. She falls asleep, phone in hand, wondering when Adena would likely respond. 

Falling asleep with Adena on her mind, Kat logics, is the reason she dreams of her again. Of Adena's soft hands roaming across her body. Squeezing Kat’s hips. Her lip curving into a soft smile before she kisses Kat's cheek and then along her neck. Their bodies moving against each other as her lips continue to wander further down. 

Kat wakes with a gasp, feeling her center throbbing with desire. Instinctively, she dips her hand into her underwear, taking care of her want. Focusing on the sensations and her budding orgasm. Trying not to focus on the person who created these feelings.

She's able to fall back asleep in post-orgrasmic bliss. And when she wakes there are no memories of any additional dreams. 

It isn’t until Kat is on the train that she is able to go through her morning social media run through. Two notifications missed - Adena is now following her on Instagram and she’s responded to Kat’s text. Kat bites on her nail trying to hide her smile over such a simple message. 

_I love it!_

***

“So multiple sex dreams?” Jane clarifies. 

“Like twice.” 

“Sometimes sex dreams don’t really mean sex.”

“Mm, no, this was definitely about sex.”

Jane sits upright on the sofa, turning to stare at Sutton. “You did hear her say that her dream woke her up, right?!”

Sutton laughs at Jane’s outrage. “I can’t believe you were so turned on it woke you up.” 

Kat joins in Sutton’s laughter and shrugs. Her friends know she has an active libido, but even this is new territory for her. “Anyway, how was your conversation with Lauren?” 

“She's agreed to put in a good word for me with Oliver. And I killed it with the fundraiser outfits!”

“This does look amazing.” Kat double taps her screen to like the outfit Sutton had a hand in putting together. 

“You're a natural talent. Oliver would be a fool not to hire you.”

“Thanks, guys.” 

Having liked all of the photos for the fundraiser, Kat is about to close the app and focus on Jane’s story about her latest run-in with Pinstripe but she sees Adena’s name at the bottom of the screen. She had posted a sunset with the caption: _only two more days with these views._

Kat likes the photo then pulls up their text thread. They’ve kept in casual contact, and Kat has learned that Adena is nine hours ahead of her, so she definitely won't be responding anytime soon. But she wants her to know. 

_You'll be back just in time for the next copy of Scarlet featuring your article!_

***

Kat is lounging on her sofa her feet moving rhythmically to the music coming from her record player. She doesn’t have the energy to dance about the apartment after Soul Wheel, but she feels light with the satisfaction of helping pull off a successful event. 

Her phone buzzes by her ear, a text notification. 

_Alex did a fantastic job_ captions Adena's selfie with a copy of Scarlet. 

Kat sends back a chorus of celebratory emojis. Then, _How was the flight back?_

_It was . . . interesting._  
_Can I call?_  
_It’s easier than texting._

_Yeah, go ahead_

Kat watches Adena's name appear on the screen, tells herself to wait a few seconds before answering.

“Hello, Kat.” It feels so good to hear her voice again. It feels life much more than two weeks since they last spoke. Kat tries to recall if this is how Adena always talks. Her voice soft and smooth.

“How was the shoot?”

“It went really well. I think I was able to get everything I need for my next series. And where I was staying was beautiful.”

“Yeah, I saw some of your instagram pics. Definitely not New York.” Kat’s on her way to turn off her music, when she lets out an audible groan.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m just sore. It was the Soul Wheel event today.”

“Ah, exercise.”

“Don’t laugh at me,” Kat reprimands, but she’s laughing too. “Spinning is very intense. And no amount of pep talk can disguise that.” 

“I’ve never seen the appeal of spinning. If I’m doing something high energy, I want to actually be out, moving through the world, seeing different things.” 

‘So you’re the exercising type.” 

“I wouldn’t exactly say that. I do enjoy the occasional jog. I’m more of a yoga person.” Involuntarily, the image of Adena working out floats through Kat’s mind. 

“Uh - you said you had an interesting flight?”

Adena snickers, “Yes - well, you see I packed some . . . contraband -”

“Contraband?”

“Vibrators. Which is considered contraband where I was shooting. I wanted to share with my friends whose access to such items is restricted. It had gone unnoticed on my flight in, I didn’t think they would notice if I brought the extras back. But I was not so lucky. Fortunately my manager has some connections and we were able to leave after a few hours. I just had to leave what I had been trying to take with me.”

“Adena el-Amin.” Kat is shocked. But also impressed. And maybe slightly turned on. “I hope your friends appreciate your efforts. And, well, we always get a bunch of freebies at the office if you don’t want to have to buy anything new.” Kat furrows her brow, mouth slightly open. She can’t believe she just said this. “That’s a weird offer, isn’t it? Pretend I didn’t say that.” 

Kat can hear Adena laugh shortly followed by a yawn. “I should go to sleep. Good night, Kat.”

“Night.”

When Kat lays in bed that night, she already knows that Adena will fill her dreams. She hadn’t dreamt of Adena since she last talked to Jane and Sutton, but after tonight’s conversation about working out and contraband, Kat can feel Adena taking over her thoughts.


	5. Is this Real?

“Jacqueline wants me to write a Best Orgasm piece.” 

“Oh those are fun!” Sutton nudges Kat seeking her opinion on the pair of heels she’s planning to borrow from the closet. 

Jane groans in disagreement. “I can’t write this.”

“Sure you can, open a bottle of gin, chase it with nothing, start typing,” Kat encourages her while sending off a text to Adena confirming their coffee plans.

“Who was your best orgasm anyway? It had to have been Eric, right?”

“No.”

“Doesn’t surprise me. Men are such a letdown. I can get the job done better myself.”

“I can’t write this story because I’ve never had an orgasm before,” Jane blurts out. 

Sutton looks up from admiring the heels and Kat drops her phone beside her. The momentary silence in which they stare at Jane's hesitant face, processing this confession, is deafening. 

Abruptly, Sutton stands, stumbling in the unclasped heels, and Kat rises to steady her.

“I’m going to need a more detailed description of never.”

“Like never.”

“Not even with yourself?” 

“Correct. Like the basic definition of never. I feel like a fraud. I can’t tell Jacqueline.” Jane starts pacing around the closet trying to come up with a solution. “I just need to figure out how to have an orgasm,” she concludes.

“Ok, so let’s make it happen.”

“Loving the can do spirit!” Sutton high fives Kat. 

“Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re going to call your gyno, rule out anything physiological -”

“You think it could be something physiological?”

“No, I think you’re very highly strung and probably have trouble getting out of your head, but we at least need to check in on your vageen. “ Kat lays out the next steps for Jane. Kat’s determined when she puts her mind to something, and she’s set out to help Jane. 

***

The way she says her name sounds like a song. “Kat.” Drawn out longer than necessary, her voice slightly higher than usual. Her name never sounds quite the same coming out of Adena’s mouth. 

The way that Adena softly lays her hands on Kat’s arms, her cheek pressed against Kat’s face, her lips not quite meeting her feels like a reminder of a past dream and Kat’s body warms in response. 

“Hi, Adena.” She hopes that her voice only sounds odd to herself. 

“I hope it wasn’t too busy for you to come out for coffee. I had a meeting around the corner.”

“Oh, yeah, no, don't worry about it. I can always make time. What was your meeting about?” 

“One of the galleries here heard about my last series. They want to show my work in a few weeks.” How can Adena sound so soft and yet look so intense. The way she looks at Kat before proceeding with her next sentence creates a pleasant discomfort for Kat. “If you’re free you should come.” 

“Yeah, I’d love to. As long as you don’t walk away from me after I say hi.” 

Adena’s eyes drop to her mug of coffee, she shakes her head in her hand. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me.”

Kat reaches out instinctively, her hand on Adena’s forearm, “I’m kidding. I came on too strong, I get it.” Acutely aware of her contact with Adena’s bare arm, Kat withdraws her hand reluctantly. 

“And I can be stubborn.” 

“Lucky I was able to get you to give me a second chance.” Kat smiles unreservedly. She really did feel very lucky.

***

“I can’t believe you convinced me to see a sexologist.” Jane rings the bell.

“You gotta loosen up, babe.”

The wooden door before them swings open to a middle aged woman smiling at them in greeting.

“Jane, welcome, I’m Dr. Johansson. Come in, get comfortable. This is your girlfriend?”

“No, no, we’re just friends.” 

Kat follows Jane into the open living room, taking a seat beside Jane on the large white sofa. “I’m her moral support.”

“We’re both straight, actually.”

“Oh, well, actually,” Kat realizes the opportunity she has in accompanying Jane to the sexologist, “I am having some sexual identity issues. I've always been into dudes, but then I met this girl, and she's awesome. And I just saw her for the first time in a while -” 

“Ok, we will get back to that because, um, wow, but,” Jane points to herself and Kat nods in understanding. “I've never had an orgasm before.”

Kat bites her tongue, remembering that Jane is the focus today. She listens intently as the sexologist talks to Jane about finding her fantasy. Wondering what the doctor would have to say about Adena's being a fixture in her recent dreams. Kat’s thrilled when the doctor brings out the yoni egg. She’d recently read about them and agrees that this could be a helpful exercise for Jane. More so than Jane seems to. 

***

“I can’t believe you have to watch porn as an assignment.”

“She wants Jane to find a fantasy.”

“I have fantasies! I just end up getting too logical. Like this one where I’m in a cotton field, like Scarlett O’Hara, and then I start wondering if I’m on the wrong side of the war.”

“Oh, babe,” Kat rubs Jane’s arm. “I appreciate you not wanting to be racist, but it’s a fantasy. Where you just totally give in to whatever.”

“Please change this video,” Sutton gags, “there is no way this woman is enjoying this.”

“Let me choose.” Kat jumps over to the search bar to do some of her own exploring. Lesbians. The results populate in order of popularity. Threesome, threesome, that can’t be real . . . She clicks on the icon with two women kissing. This looks entry level enough. 

“So, Oliver thinks I went to FIT and I don’t know what to do.”

“You should probably tell him the truth.”

“Why so he can take her out of the running?” The women on the screen have lost most of their clothing, their hands grabbing at each other, their lips still connected in a deep kiss. It’s doing nothing for Kat. Or it might be doing the exact opposite of what it’s supposed to. “See everytime I think of Adena, my mind eventually goes to this, and. . . nope,”

“That’s all you have to say?”

“Huh?” Kat looks to Sutton immediately recognizing her irritated face. 

“Nothing, I’m going home.”

“Sutton,” Kat calls out apologetically, hoping to keep her from leaving. 

“I have a moodboard to work on!” 

Kat drops her head onto the sofa. “I fucked up didn’t I? Made it about myself?”

Jane leans her head on Kat’s shoulder. “Just a little bit.”

***

Kat walks into the break room and finds Sutton staring absently into her coffee. She briefly considers going downstairs for her caffeine needs. But she knows that won’t fix anything. Kat approaches quietly, taking the seat opposite Sutton, prepared to talk it out. 

“I’m sorry. About yesterday. I wasn’t trying to be dismissive. I just . . . got distracted with my own thing. But I do think you should use the situation to your advantage. You deserve this job, Sutton. Obviously if keeping the truth from Oliver doesn’t feel right, you shouldn’t do it.”

“Thank you.” Sutton sighs. “I was really stressed out. I might have overreacted. I am going to tell him the truth. I want to get this job because of me, y’know? Because I deserve it. Not because he thinks I went to FIT. And I’m sorry I didn’t take you more seriously about the Adena thing. Is this real?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I definitely feel something for her. But then I think about all the sex stuff and what that would mean and . . . I’m not a lesbian.” Kat reflects on her reaction to the lesbian porn last night. “I’m hetero. Totally hetero.” Then she remembers the way her body felt when she woke up from her sex dream. That didn’t feel very hetero. “Right?” 

“Are you trying to convince me?” Sutton's phone buzzes. “Hello? Oooh no… ok, see you soon.”

“Everything alright?”

“Um, so Jane used the yoni egg.”

“Aye,” Kat cheers.

“And now it's stuck. So uh, you're going to have to fish it out.”

Kat follows Sutton out of the break room, “Wait, why me?!”


	6. Such an Idiot

“We’re going to an art show next weekend.”

“I’m sorry, this is feeling very familiar. Didn’t we already do this?” 

“Ha ha, Sutton. This is another art show, pretty close to the office, actually.”

“Occasion?” Jane asks. “I didn’t think you were much of an art enthusiast.”

“Adena’s work is going to be shown then.”

“Oh,” she draws out. “Adena.” She gives Kat a pointed look, who glares back at her. 

“Are you going to talk to her about . . . ?” Sutton raises her brow, leaving her question unfinished.

“Eh. I mean, do I really need to?” 

“Kat, I hate to break it you, babe, but . . .” Sutton taps her fingers against the table pausing to think of the best way to proceed. Approach Kat too directly about feelings and she runs in the opposite direction. She looks to Jane for help.

“Yeah, um, you can’t see it, but -”

Kat’s phone lights up with a text from Adena. _Finished product._

“-that,” Jane points to Kat’s face. “That’s what happens when she texts.”

“What?” Kat laughs nervously. “No.” Her efforts at denial meaningless, the smile still on her face as she types out her response. _Stunning!_ Coupled with the big eyes emoji. "It's just a crush." She brushes them off.

Jane and Sutton share a knowing look when the server arrives at their booth. “Here is the Veuve Clicquot Yellow Label you ordered.” 

_More productive evening than mine._ Kat sends Adena a picture of the champagne.

_Enjoy._

“To Sutton, for pursuing her dream,” Jane holds her glass up.

“Congrats, babe, you are now a part of the fashion department!”

***

“For someone who insists that this is nothing more than crush, you sure are spending a lot of time trying to decide what to wear!” Jane flops back onto Kat’s bed. She and Sutton have been ready for the past hour, trying to help Kat get herself together.

Kat rolls her eyes trying on her second outfit. It’s a bright colored one piece. Fun, light. Better than the first dress she tried on. That had been too sexy for an art show. She steps out of her closet showing Jane her outfit. “I only had to try on two outfits.”

“But you pulled out like ten different options,” Jane points to the clothing taking over her bed. Kat turns back to her closet. “Wait, Kat, what are you doing!?”

“I can’t wear this," Kat is exasperated with herself. "It’s too bright.” She can’t see them, but the silence tells her that Jane and Sutton are sharing a smile at her expense. 

Then she hears a whispered. “I’ve never seen her this strung up on someone before.”

“Me neither. I don’t know if I should be excited or nervous.”

“Both?”

***

Kat finds Adena wearing a navy top with a scarf which complements her outfit. How does she always manage to look so well put together? Kat nervously smooths her skirt and when she looks back up, she sees Adena’s eyes flicker up and lock with Kat’s. It’s only a second, but the twinkle in her eye, the slight curl of her lip, Kat knows Adena saw her. That they’ve just exchanged hello. 

Kat can feel her heart patter slightly faster. The effect Adena is having on her increasing each time they see each other. “Drink anyone?” 

“Yes, please. I just saw Pinstripe here.”

“Wait, I thought you were interested in him, now.” Sutton asks confused.

“No, he was just . . . in my sex fantasy.” Jane’s kept her friends up to date with her continued exploration of her fantasies as advised by the sexologist. She had been able to find one that she was able to stick with, and it just so happened to feature Pinstripe. 

“Jane, maybe it’s time to practice with another person.” 

“See the thing is,” Jane swirls the straw in her drink, casting a sideways glance at Pinstripe. “I think I like fantasy Pinstripe. I’m not sure that I like Ryan as a person.”

“Ryan? Is that his name?”

“Huh. I prefer Pinstripe. Anyway, I didn’t say you had to like him. You just have to sleep with him.”

***

Two drinks in and Kat is feeling less nervous about approaching Adena. This time she is fully prepared for the cheek kiss Adena greets with. And rather than stand there awkwardly, Kat is able to place her hand on Adena’s upper arm and offer her cheek gracefully. 

And although the action makes her heart beat a little louder, she feels less concerned over it. As though she’s learning to accept that this is how her body reacts around Adena. 

“You made it.” Adena beams at her. 

“Of course. I, uh, noticed a few portraits I hadn’t seen at the last show.”

“Yes, I added a few that hadn’t been ready last time. How are things going with the VR?”

“Did you know that VR is sexist?!”

“Sexist . . . no.”

“It is. Apparently women are more likely to get motion sickness from VR, especially when they’re menstruating.”

“How interesting.”

“I know, right?! So -”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, ” Firuze interjects, “But, Adena, there’s a couple that’s interested in one of your pieces. I thought you might be able to talk to them a little more about it.”

“Oh, of course. Kat I-”

“Go,” Kat waves her off, trying to appear unperturbed rather than disappointed that her time with Adena was cut short. 

“I’ll find you later,” Adena responds as she walks away. 

***

Kat had made her way back to the bar, at the edge of the open space, where she could look at the art leisurely. And maybe it also allowed her to look to Adena every now and then, as she wandered throughout the gallery. She's able to see Adena's face move from neutral conversations to lively discussions, her hand punctuating whatever point she is making. She sees the tug at the side of Adena's lips, trying to keep her smile composed. She knows. That although she has been calling this a crush, it's so much more than that. Her crushes are typically fleeting, focused solely on physical attraction. And this . . . Kat feels the adrenaline course through her, subconsciously making a decision.

Kat suddenly informs her friends, “I’m going to do it. I’m going to tell her. Gay, straight, I don’t know. I don’t care. I . . . just have to say something.” She looks to them for support.

“Get it, girl.” Jane smiles proudly at her. 

Kat leaves her empty glass behind on the high top. Adena is talking with a few people, but Kat feels confident enough to interrupt and pull her aside. Confident despite the twisting sensation in her stomach that others might describe as butterflies. Despite the pounding of her heart which increases with each step closer. Until it drops. The change is so sudden, so intense, Kat stops in her tracks.

There was a woman approaching Adena. Who reached her hands out onto Adena’s back, running her palms up her shoulders. And then Adena turned to greet her with a smile. With the smile that Kat has come to adore. But she’s smiling at someone else, their lips drawing closer. Clearly not the first time. 

_Breathe._ Kat turns back, ready to leave the gallery, straight for home. But there are Jane and Sutton looking at her, their faces expressing what she feels. 

“I feel like such an idiot.”

“You are not an idiot.”

“No, you’re the bravest person I know. I wish I could be more like you.”

“Sometimes you gotta do something crazy.” Kat shrugs.

It's silent for a moment, and then Jane proclaims, “I can, and I will.” 

Jane walks away without further explanation. Kat and Sutton following after her. They can’t hear what Jane says to Pinstripe but he smiles with his answer just before Jane pulls him in for a kiss. 

At least someone’s getting some action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say things to me


	7. Never Mentioned

“So let’s go to that bar down the block, yeah?”

“Yes, I’m so ready to leave.” Kat looks back as she continues her brisk walk towards the exit. She informs Jane and Sutton that she would be buying the first round of drinks. She should have slowed her pace, or paused, but she was in such a rush to leave without Adena’s noticing that she didn’t think of the potential consequences of walking without looking forward. Didn’t think that she might bump into someone, until it happened.

Instinctively, Kat throws her hands out to stabilize the person while she apologizes profusely. Her head turning to look forward at the person she almost toppled over. 

Adena. Of course it’s Adena. 

“Oh my God, Adena. I’m sorry, I wasn’t -”

“It’s okay.” Adena smiles reassuring her.

Kat processes that her hands are still at Adena’s waist. And unnecessarily. She is clearly in no longer in danger of falling over. Kat draws her hands back to fall at her side. Uncertain what else to say, she apologizes again. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

“It’s okay, really.” Kat sees Adena’s eyes move over to Jane and Sutton, sees understanding wash over her face. “Are you leaving?”

“Um, yeah, we’re, um, oh this is Jane and Sutton.”

“It’s nice to meet you both.” 

Jane and Sutton step forward to greet Adena, and out of the corner of her eye, Kat sees her approaching. Dressed in all black, she strides closer and closer. This was getting worse. 

“Here you are, chérie.” She offers Adena a glass of sparkling water before looking to the others. “Hello,” the woman greets kindly. “I’m Coco, Adena’s girlfriend.” 

It feels as though the word hits her then echoes in her mind. Girlfriend. Kat’s uncertain as to why this feels like some kind of shock. She saw them kiss, she knew they were romantically involved. But girlfriend. This isn’t some date for the evening. This is her girlfriend. 

Everything feels muffled and numb, her only awareness her thoughts, until she sees Coco’s hand move down Adena’s back, until it’s resting at her hip. The hips that Kat had just been holding. The voices of her friends come into focus and she recognizes that they’re done introducing themselves, that she needs to find her voice. She clears her throat and draws her eyes back up to Coco’s face.

“Hi,” she says brightly, trying desperately to push aside her thoughts and feelings. “I’m Kat -” Kat. Is that enough? Kat, Adena’s . . . friend? Social Media Director at Scarlet? Does she even need to say more than her name?

“Oh Kat, Adena’s mentioned you.” She has? “I’m glad you convinced Adena to do the interview. The article Scarlet ran was very good.” 

Oh. Is that disappointment settling in her stomach? Disappointment that Kat is just the person who works at Scarlet. 

“Yeah, well, Adena’s really, her work is really amazing.” 

“Kat, we need to go deal with this,” Sutton interjects, gesturing to her phone. 

“Yeah, we-we have to go. I’m sorry, I couldn’t stay longer.” 

“Of course, I’m just glad you came. Thank you. And it was nice meeting you. Sutton. Jane.” 

Kat doesn’t hear the goodbyes exchanged between her friends and Coco. She’s lost in her thoughts again, her eyes on Adena’s face, trying to read her, to gather any hints as to how she feels about this unexpected meaning.

Kat can only hope her face is as hard to read. 

***

“She never mentioned her girlfriend?” Sutton asks in disbelief. 

“No, at least not that I can remember.” Kat stirs her drink trying to recall if there had been any hints or indications that Adena was in a relationship. “It’s fine. I just completely misread the situation. That’s all.” 

“Kat, you did not misread this.”

“I watched you all talking. The way she looks at you. That is not just friendship.”

Kat shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. She has a girlfriend. And this,” Kat waves her hand flippantly, eyes focused on the ice in her drink instead of her friends’ eyes boring into her, looking for the truth, “this is just a crush. I thought it was something more. And it’s not.” There’s a finality in Kat’s tone. She’s done talking about Adena tonight. “So are you going to sleep with Pinstripe now?” Her enthusiastic smile not quite reaching her eyes.

“Mmm, maybe I should start with a date first?”

“I miss dating . . . I mean being able to actually go outside for a date. I really like Richard, but some days I really hate all the sneaking around. I wish it could be easier.” Sutton rests her head on her hand glumly.

Easier. This is why Kat doesn’t date. Why she doesn’t fall. It’s easier. Easier to feel unattached and free instead of what she's feeling now. Because this, this isn't fun. 

***  
Kat stares at the message Adena had sent at the end of the night. _Thank you for coming._ The message Kat had intentionally not responded to. Denial, minimizing, these were things Kat was good at. Tools that kept her life exciting without ever letting anything get too heavy. But she can't stop staring at this text, can't stop feeling. 

Kat pulls up Adena's Instagram account, scrolling past her last picture of the book she's currently reading, past the pictures taken when she was out of town - nowhere is there any hint of Coco. She flicks her finger against the screen faster, quickly moving further back in her posts. Until finally she sees Coco's face. It's from over a year ago. The location tagged is some place in Paris. They look happy. 

She shouldn't. She knows that whatever she learns will only hurt, but she can't stop herself.

Kat clicks on Coco’s username and scrolls through her pictures. Coco’s bio indicates that she’s also a photographer and there’s a link to her professional instagram. Kat has to scroll multiple times until she finds a picture of Adena bundled up in winter clothing, staring at the camera - the photographer lovingly. Scrolls some more, stops when she sees a photo of Coco kissing Adena’s cheek. Adena’s eyes closed, a small smile on her lips. 

She clicks out of Instagram, shutting her eyes tightly, as though the action will remove the images from her mind. 

Adena completely throws her off her game. And it was fine when that meant thoughts of Adena made Kat warm or when being near Adena made her heart race. It's not okay that this text and these photos makes her heart feel like it's in her stomach. It’s not okay, that there’s a lump developing in her throat. 

Distraction, avoidance. Kat knows these too. She picks her phone up again and pulls up the app store. There are so many options. But she's looking for casual, simple, uncomplicated. 

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone new, Kat tells herself as she clicks to download Tinder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say things to me


	8. Trolls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is unrelated to the fic, but when I typed in the title for this chapter (trolls), the next thing I heard was Professor Quirrell's voice yelling it out followed by "in the dungeons. Thought you should know." Anybody else? Harry Potter? eh eh??
> 
> Alright, anyway enjoy :)

“Wow, Oliver’s letting you take that dress?”

“Well. He wants the Paduano necklace. We didn’t really get into the details.”

“Oh, damn, Sutton. Big swing.”

“And if I come back with that pendant it’s gonna be a -”

“Touchdown!” Kat punches the air enthusiastically. 

“You don’t watch sports do you?”

“Not one second.” Her phone chimes with the notification of a match. 

“Are you still avoiding Adena?” Sutton tries to sound casual, focusing on carefully packing the dress.

“I’m not ‘avoiding’ her. I’m just focusing on other things, like my VR meeting tomorrow, and this guy.” Kat shows her the profile of her latest match. 

“Oooh, he is cute. You going to meet up?”

“Hopefully.” Kat starts out a message to him. 

***

Kat has had to silence her phone with all of the twitter notifications she was receiving. Someone had retweeted her complaint about the sexism in VR and it was getting a lot of attention. Apparently the tweet had really pissed off some men. Men who felt the need to yell at her and threaten her. 

At first she laughed; it was pathetic. The mental image she created of this anonymous person, sitting in the dark tweeting out threats they’d never have the nerve to say in real life made it easy to roll her eyes and move on. But some people are becoming more violent, and it’s like a trainwreck. Kat doesn’t exactly want to watch, and yet she’s struggling to look away. 

Kat is tweeting for Scarlet from her phone before going in to her VR meeting when she sees a text pop up from Adena. 

_Good luck today._

She remembered Kat's meeting. 

_Thank you._

In the time it took her to read and send her response, someone has tagged her in a picture on Twitter. The curiosity too strong, Kat clicks on the notification. 

It's a photo of her, topless. Taken in the South of France.

Kat had never felt ashamed of this photo when she shared it herself years ago. But for it to be brought up now, to be used against her; it’s the violation of her privacy that has her seeing red. And right before her eyes, she’s seeing people commenting on the tweet. 

“We’re ready for you, Kat.” She clicks the power button, darkening the screen. She doesn’t have time for this right now. 

Kat takes a deep breath in and walks into the conference room. She’ll deal with the picture afterwards. She just needs to focus on the moment, on her presentation. This picture has no impact on her meeting right now. 

Or so she thought. 

But as she tries to formulate the sentences she had practiced, she hears the chiming of one board member’s phone and then another. She’s losing her focus, forgetting where she is in her speech, stuttering what words she is able to get out. There are other notification sounds, one board member looking at his phone another looking at Kat concernedly. She can’t breathe, she can’t focus on the moment. Run.

Kat walks away towards the exit, her hand upon the cool glass door. She realizes she should say something before she walks out. “I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well”

***

“Kat. Kat. What just happened in there?”

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? You said you were ready.”

Kat doesn’t know where to start or how to explain, so she hands over her phone to Jacqueline, the tweet with her photo on the screen. “I saw it right before I walked in. I - I don’t know. I didn’t know what to do. I shouldn’t have walked out. I know that. It’s stupid. But I can go back in now. I can do this.”

“No. I’m going to reschedule this for tomorrow.”

“I’m good, I can do this.”

“Kat, trust me. You need to catch your breath, take an hour, fall apart, come back, and we’re gonna figure this out. We’ll figure this out.” The last sentence said more softly, a gentle pat offered to Kat’s arm. 

Kat leaves for the fashion closet to be alone. _How did you deal with all those death threats? I’m getting them now. I feel like I’m unraveling_. . . She deletes her last sentence, changes it to _It’s so annoying_. 

Kat feels the sting of tears in her eyes, She looks up blinking trying to force them to go back. She won’t cry over this. It’s stupid. These internet trolls don’t deserve her tears. She let’s out a big exhale when she feels her phone buzz in her hand. What now?

But, it’s Adena calling. 

“Hey?” Kat tries to sound upbeat. 

“What happened?” Adena’s voice, on the other hand, sounds so soft and concerned. It makes the stinging come back, and she’s worried the tears will actually fall. She explains what happened, her tweet accusing the VR system of being sexist. The trolls responses, culminating with the posting of her topless photo right before she ran out of her meeting. 

“I know you want to engage them, Kat. But don’t.” Kat smiles sadly; how is it that Adena knows her so well already? “It just fuels the fire.”

“It’s so hard.”

“I know, Kat.” Understanding in her voice. “But a fire cannot burn without oxygen. That’s cheesy, isn’t it?” Kat can imagine Adena’s brow knit and her nose crinkle with her realization. It makes her breathe out a small laugh. 

“A little, but you’re right.” Kat takes a deep breath in. “Thanks for calling.”

“I was worried you wouldn’t answer.” The soft, nervous way those words are spoken; Kat feels guilty. 

“What’s your schedule like today? The VR meeting was rescheduled for tomorrow and I’m taking the afternoon off. After I meet with Jacqueline. I fully plan on going out for ice cream. I could use the pick me up.”

“Ice cream sounds amazing.” Kat can hear her smile.

“Great, I’ll text you before I leave the office.”

***

Today was a rough day. First the tweets, Kat running out of the meeting, and now the ice cream shop was closed. Kat was ready to call it quits and crawl into bed, she was so close to her apartment. But Adena pointed out that they could get ice cream from the corner store and properly mope in front of the television, eating straight from the pint. 

“What does WAGS stand for?” Adena’s mouth full of coconut ice cream. 

“It’s wives and girlfriends of sports stars.”

“Wives and girlfriends? And don’t you hate sports?” Adena continues to stare confusedly at the television screen from her curled up position on Kat’s armchair. 

“Yeah, but they don’t talk too much about the sports. I know it doesn’t sound that interesting. But it is. There’s something about watching the ridiculousness of other people’s lives, it’s entertaining and comforting.” 

Kat was nervous that Adena would judge her tv choice. But she doesn’t seem to. Instead she asks questions about the various people and shares in Kat’s laughter. 

Kat’s phone starts chiming multiple times. It’s Sutton. Freaking out. 

_I lost it._   
_Oh my God. I lost it._   
_What am I going to do?_

_The necklace?!_

_Yes._   
_I must have left it in the cab._

“Adena, I’m sorry, I need to make a call.”

“Oh, sure, should I -” she points to the door in question.

“No, it shouldn’t take too long. I don’t think.”

Kat calls Sutton for details working to calm her down so they can brainstorm what they can do to try and find the necklace. Although focused on helping Sutton, Kat finds herself worried that Adena might feel awkward with the tv muted and Kat otherwise occupied. 

But Adena seems perfectly fine. She takes a few more bites of her ice cream before taking both of their pints to the freezer before they melt. She returns to her seat, taking with her a book from the coffee table. It’s a nice image, Adena wandering her apartment familiarly then sitting down, legs tucked underneath her, her face calm as she reads.

Kat hears Alex in the background, then Sutton informs her that Alex will help her with finding the necklace before saying goodbye.

“All good?” Adena asks when she notices that Kat has finished her conversation. 

“I think it will be,” Kat begins to explain the situation to Adena who listens to her attentively, the book now lying on her lap. Kat realizes how much she missed talking to Adena. 

Now that time has passed from the revelation of Adena’s girlfriend, Kat realizes that she can’t avoid Adena. Or she doesn’t want to. That if she can’t have her romantically, she still wants Adena in her life. 

And Kat tells herself that this friendship can work, that her crush is behind her, ignoring the flutter in her stomach when Adena smiles at her.

Kat is so engrossed in her conversation with Adena, that she doesn’t even glance down at her phone when it buzzes. A message from Tinder guy confirming their drinks date for Saturday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say things to me :)


	9. Trevor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry . . . some of this chapter hurt to write lol

They've been at the bar for less than an hour. In that time, Kat has learned that Trevor is a sports agent, very chill, and identifies as the “fun one” in his group of friends. His sense of humor matches up well with hers and their flirtatious conversation has made up Kat’s mind on how this evening will proceed. 

“I miss this.” Kat sighs contentedly. She feels as though a weight has been removed from her shoulders.

“What’s that?”

“Uncomplicated fun.”

“I am anything but complicated.” Trevor smirks arrogantly, placing a hand on Kat’s knee. He’s assertive and clear. Kat knows what he wants; it’s what she wants, too. She mirrors his smile and slight lean forward until he takes her lips into his own.

Kat pulls away, eyes focused on the lips she had just been kissing. “Let's go to your place?” 

Quickly, Trevor takes out his wallet, leaving cash at the bar before taking Kat’s hand, walking together towards the exit. 

Soon, in Trevor’s apartment, Kat can feel her body pumping with adrenaline. Their kisses intensifying and they start to lose articles of clothing. Trevor’s lips kiss her roughly, moving from her lips to her neck. 

She hadn't been on a date in months. Kat’s mind wanders, trying to recall the last time another person made her feel this way.

Adena. Not technically, real. But it was when she dreamt of Adena. 

The memory of Adena's soft lips slowly tracing down her neck, her tongue gliding over spots she had just kissed. Kat lets out a moan, the memory of the imagined event enough to make her want pool.

Trevor pulls back, smiling at the noise he assumes he’s elicited. “Let's move to the bed.”

She can't do this. She shouldn't do this. She shouldn't follow Trevor to the bedroom for sex when it's Adena on her mind. 

But she's practically naked and she’s horribly aroused. It's been months since another person brought her to climax. Would it really be that bad if she fantasized about someone else? 

Kat removes her pants before entering the bedroom. Trevor's not her boyfriend. He's just a hookup, she justifies, as she positions herself atop him.

With her eyes closed, she pulls back her dream, where Adena’s body is pressed against hers. She tries to follow the rhythm in her mind, but Trevor sits up, his arms at her back, holding her while he moves against her. His body hard and muscular, his hands rough, so completely different from what she assumes Adena would feel like, it pulls Kat back to reality. 

She pushes him back down towards the bed, trying to create enough space to allow her to stay lost in her dream. She tries to connect the sensations she’s feeling to her mental images of Adena, but she’s getting stuck. She can’t fantasize beyond the kisses. 

“What's wrong?” His gruff voice brings her back. 

“Nothing.” Kat looks down at him. She gives up on imaging Adena and focuses on getting herself to orgasm. 

Successful, Kat freshens up in the restroom before finding her clothing strewn about Trevor's apartment. In classic Kat fashion, she’s ready to make her exit. 

“Leaving?” Trevor, on the other hand, is still naked in bed. He almost sounds disappointed.

“I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea, Trevor. This was just sex.”

“We could go again,” he suggests. 

“I don’t think so.” Kat doesn’t bother to look up from the ground, as she zips up her boots. 

Trevor chuckles, “Alright. Yeah. But If you want to do this again, call me. Whenever.” 

“Bye.” 

There’s nothing specifically different about this sexual encounter from all the ones she’s had in the past. He was cute, and funny, and he wasn’t clingy when she left. His moves were good and the orgasm was above average. Yet somehow she feels dissatisfied. 

In the elevator, Kat pulls her phone out. She focuses on the words she is texting Jane instead of listening to the little voice in the back of her mind. The reminder that this was the first time Kat wished she was with someone specific. That she actually wanted someone, instead of just an orgasm. 

_Hope your date with Pinstripe is better than mine_

_Oh no! Want to come over?_   
_My date was cut short, but I did get to interview the congresswoman!_

_That's great, babe!_   
_A friend sleepover sounds amazing_   
_OMW :)_

***

Kat looks around for a bench to sit. Why she chose to walk instead of get a cab or take the closest train, she's not sure. Maybe subconsciously she needed the movement, needed to feel herself moving further away from Trevor. 

The odds are ridiculously low. In this city filled with people, how is it possible that Kat would stumble across Adena in her search for a bench? And yet there she is. Her eyes focused on the sketchpad in her lap although her pencil lies still in her hand.

Kat sits and Adena casts a quick sideways glance at the person taking a seat beside her. Recognizing the person, Adena looks back with a smile. 

“Kat,” she exclaims with a quick hug. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm just on my way to Jane’s. My feet needed a break.” Kat points to her boots.

Kat had very deliberately chosen her tight black dress with the deep neckline, knowing that her date wouldn't be able to keep his eyes off of her. Looking up from her boots, she was not prepared to catch Adena's eyes wandering over the curves of her body. Kat feels herself growing warm, the want she thought that had been satisfied surges again and her breath catches in her throat. 

She wants to encourage Adena’s gaze, wants to pull her into a kiss, to know that Adena feels what she feels. But almost immediately, Adena looks up at Kat. Her face neutral, leaving Kat wondering if there had been anything other than casual observance in Adena’s earlier look. 

“Celebration?”

“No. I, uh. I was on a date.”

“Oh? How was it?” 

“Eh. What are you doing here?” Kat gestures towards Adena's blank sketchbook.

Adena lets out a heavy breath and closes the book. “There's this man that usually plays the violin Saturday evenings. I was hoping that being outside, with some nice background noise, I might be able to find some inspiration. I feel stuck, creatively.”

“Adena, you're one of the most talented people I know. I have complete faith that you'll find your inspiration. And wherever that takes you will be amazing.”

“Thank you, Kat. I appreciate your faith in me.”

“Totally. I -” her phone buzzes in her hand. _Bring wine!_ She remembers she’s supposed to be on her way to Jane’s. “I should get going.”

“Have a good night, Kat.”

“You, too, Adena. And, hey, let me know if your violinist shows?” she tacks on, wanting to know that they’ll talk soon. 

***

“Jane, I don't think that counts as your date being cut short.” 

“Ok, this was the first time I had an orgasm with another person, excuse me for wanting a round two.”

Kat leans into Sutton, the both of them laughing. “Ok, ok, fair enough.”

“After Jane had that first orgasm on her own, she's been on a mission to have one with someone other than herself.” 

“You guys,” Jane laughs. “It was really good.”

“Mmm do you remember your first orgasm?” Sutton asks Kat. 

“Not at all,” Kat says into her nearly empty glass. “You?”

“My first boyfriend. In the back of his truck.” Sutton devolves into laughter again. “And then the police came knocking on the window. I'll never forget it.” 

When their laughter dies down, Kat admits with a sigh, “I just had the most unsatisfying orgasm.” 

“What?” “What happened?” They ask simultaneously.

“I thought I just wanted sex, but I couldn't get out of my head, and it just wasn't as much fun as I thought it would be.” Kat neglects to mention that it was thoughts of Adena that distracted her. 

Kat can't remember the last time sex with someone was more than just a means to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> say things to me :)


	10. Complicated

Kat pulls the covers over her body and adjusts her pillow as she lays on her side. She lets out a long yawn; Kat could probably fall asleep quickly after the long night she’s had. Instead she pulls up her recent contacts list and hits the call button. 

“Sorry I couldn't answer earlier. Is it too late to talk now?”

“No, I’m awake. How was your night?” 

“I spent it taking care of Sutton, who accidentally got high.”

“Accidentally? I thought you were having dinner at her boyfriend’s.” Kat hears rustling, which she imagines to be Adena moving into her bed, getting comfortable for their conversation. 

“She had a networking event before dinner at Richard’s. High tea. She didn't realize all that the name implied.” 

“I bet dinner was an interesting affair.”

Kat laughs with Adena, “Mmhmm, we ended up eating in the bathtub. I remember that’s when you called, because Sutton wanted to answer my phone.”

“Really, why’s that?”

“I don’t know. Thinks you’re cool or something,” Kat jokes. Actually, Sutton wanted to know more about Kat and Adena’s . . . friendship. “How was your night?” 

“Well, I decided that I should start packing up my apartment, and then I realized that I forgot to tell you that I'm moving. I've been renting this tiny apartment month to month, but my visa application was approved, and I don't think I'll be leaving New York anytime soon. So I found a slightly bigger place with a longer lease. I'm having an apartment warming with some friends. I'd love it if you could come, too.”

Kat lets out the breath she was holding. When Adena said she was moving, Kat thought she was leaving the country, that maybe with all the political bullshit, that the extension of her visa had been denied. 

“Yeah, that sounds good, should I bring anything?” 

“Hold on,” Kat can hear rustling again, then Adena’s voice further away speaking in French. She regrets not paying more attention in high school because she can't understand anything except her name. And she can't even properly enjoy how lovely Adena sounds speaking another language because Kat is fairly certain that the only person Adena would have in her apartment at this hour is Coco.

“Sorry,” Adena returns to the phone, “I’ll be cooking, so you don't have to bring anything. I should probably get to sleep. But I'll text you the address. Good night, Kat.”

***

“What says, I care about you, but only as a friend because you have a girlfriend and I can't - or at least I shouldn’t - do anything…”

“I don't think you want your gift to say all that,” Alex responds. 

“Should I bring food?” Kat walks towards the prepared foods. “But she said she was cooking.” She turns back around to Alex. “And she doesn't drink, so I can't get her wine.” 

“What about flowers?” Alex points out a bright arrangement. “She's artistic, so she appreciates beauty.” 

“Are flowers friend territory?!” Kat hears the concern in her voice, her gratitude to be here with Alex instead of Jane and Sutton growing. 

Alex pauses uncertain. “Well, would you get Jane or Sutton flowers?” 

“I don't know...Maybe.” Kat considers the various bouquets. She catches Alex checking his watch. He probably didn’t think that agreeing to help Kat find a housewarming gift would take this long. Didn’t think that it might make him late for brunch with Jane and Sutton. “This seems platonic enough, right?” 

Alex puts his hand on Kat's shoulder. “It'll be fine. Now let's go pay, we're both going to be late.” 

***

Kat presses the bell for Adena's building when a fresh wave of uncertainty over the flowers hits her. Kat turns around, looking for a place to ditch them when she sees a couple walking down the street. She quickly hands them the flowers, “I don't want these,” the only explanation given before rushing to catch the door.

Adena answers the door after the second knock, “Hello, Kat. There's food and drinks in the kitchen. Let me introduce you - one second.” Adena returns to answer the door, greeting her friends with warm hugs and kisses. 

Kat looks around, nervous to find the person she dreads seeing here. Would it be a repeat of the last time? Would Kat find herself unbearably uncomfortable forced to make an excuse for an early departure?

“Kat, how are you?” Kat recognizes Firuze from the art shows and is able to fall into an easy conversation with her. Focused on her, Kat forgets her worries. And soon Firuze is introducing her to Adena’s other guests, which thus far do not include her.

All of Adena's friends are kind and easy to talk to, and being able to see Adena in this environment is unexpectedly thrilling. To hear her share stories with the others, joking and laughing, until everyone’s plates are bare. Adena rises, preparing to clean up. As the others move towards the living room, Kat lingers behind.

“Need help?”

“Oh, no, Kat. You’re a guest. I can take care of this.”

“I really don’t mind. It’s the least I can do after you made all of this amazing food.” 

“Okay. Thank you,” she nods in acceptance. 

Alone with Adena, Kat feels the urge to ask the question she has been holding onto since she arrived. Eyes trained on the trash bin, Kat asks, “Where’s Coco? Isn’t this her apartment warming, too?” 

“Coco and I don’t live together. And she’s out of town right now.”

“Oh, I assumed that you all would be living together.” Why Kat assumed this, she isn’t really sure. For all the things they talk about, Coco has continued to be a topic they never broach. 

Adena quietly washes the plate in her hand, considering how to proceed. “Coco and I do not do well living together. Our relationship . . . is complicated.”

“Is that why you never mentioned her?” It slips out before Kat can think better of it. To think of a more tactful way to address this. 

Adena is silent for a second, her hands pause in their work. Adena turns off the water, slowly finding a towel to dry her hands, as she turns to look at Kat. Adena waits until Kat looks to her before proceeding. “I think we met when Coco and I were . . . not in a good place. I didn’t want to talk about her,” Adena admits.

Kat can feel her heart racing with the direction of this conversation. There’s so much she wants to know about their relationship, but she doesn’t want to know either. Kat has never been good at denying her curiosity, and now that they’ve started, she knows she has to continue. “How long have you been together?” 

“Three years.” Adena continues to give Kat all of her attention, the dishes waiting in the sink. 

“Wow. And you don’t live together?” 

“We did. For a while. When we were in Paris. But then we learned it’s better when we have our own space. And we both travel a lot for work. So, we meet up in different cities. It’s unconventional, but it’s what works best for us.” Adena’s slow in choosing her words, to convey her thoughts and reasoning. She glances away briefly, her face displaying discomfort before shifting the focus of conversation. “What about you? I never heard any more about that guy you were dating.”

Kat scoffs out a laugh, taking the cleared plates to Adena for washing. “Um, dating is a strong word. We just . . . I, um, I don’t really do the dating thing.”

“No? Why is that?”

“I don’t really like dating. Dating is . . . complicated. People get attached and needy -”

“And they can hurt you.” 

“Exactly! No, thank you. Sex. Sex is easier and it's fun.”

“Oh, so you’re sleeping with someone.” Adena’s eyes twinkle with levity and Kat smiles in response.

“No - well, okay, yes, sort of.” Adena raises her eyebrow at Kat’s response. “It’s just some guy. No strings attached.”


	11. More

“That,” Jane gestures to Jacqueline and her husband sitting in the conference room for dinner, “That’s what I want.” 

Kat places her hand on Jane’s shoulder to comfort her. Despite Jane's initial enjoyment of her new sexual forays, she's determined that it's not truly what she wants. She wants the sexual adventures with someone she dates monogamously, who she talks to about all the mundane details of her day and can rely on. Jane knows that what she really wants isn’t something Ryan can offer her. Not now, at least. 

“I have to end it with Pinstripe. I can’t date multiple people. I don’t want to.”

Kat presses the call button for the elevator, listening to Jane talk further. She's never really said it, but Kat thinks Jane is really brave. Brave to try the suggestions of the sexologist despite being wary. And brave to realize what she wants, even if that means having to let go of what she has right now. 

Once a safe distance from the office, Sutton shares, “I think I’m going to break up with Richard.”

“Sutton, please don’t tell me this is because of the Natalie thing.”

“It’s not. It’s just . . . too hard, y’know. The age difference, the constant sneaking around. I want more. I deserve more.”

“Dating sucks,” Jane complains as she slides into their usual booth next to Alex. 

“Completely” He agrees moving over to give her enough space. 

“Oh, no, no more Tori?”

“Done. Pinstripe?”

“About to be.” 

Sutton smiles sadly, “Yeah, I’m ending things with Richard.”

Alex exhales and Jane groans at all of their romantic misfortune. 

“Want to split nachos?” Sutton redirects them. 

“Nachos sound so good?” Kat joins in.

***

“You know that Kenny the water delivery guy is going to be there?”

“Yeah, so? There is no shame in exercising my right to be topless in New York. I’m making Sutton and Jane go with me.”

“I’m going, but I’m not taking off my top.”

“Jane, women fought for our right to do this. It's legal.”

“And I respect the law.” Sutton chimes in.

“Come on, it's just whipping your boobs out. Alex, thoughts?”

Kat laughs at Alex floundering for a response, excusing himself to get another beer. She notices her phone lighting up with a video call and answers immediately, “Hey, Adena!”

“Oh, Kat. I’m sorry I didn’t mean to video call.” Adena covers her laughter in embarrassment. 

“Heeeeey!” Sutton leans into the frame waving happily.

“Hello, Sutton. You’re out, I’m sorry -”

“No, it’s fine, just getting dinner, what’s up?”

“I know this is late, but do you remember the independent film I told you I was going to with Firuze?”

“Mmhmm.” 

“Well, there’s an extra ticket, if you’d like to -” 

“Come with us.” Now it’s Firuze leaning into Adena’s frame, instructing more than asking. “Gabriel will be coming, too. You met him at Adena’s.”

“Yeah, I remember him.”

“I understand if it’s too short notice.”

“No! I’d love to go. I can meet you all at the theater later.” Kat can feel Jane’s gaze, watching her, assessing Kat’s voice and demeanor. Her lips twitching eager to say something as soon as they hang up. 

“What are you doing, Kat?”

“Nothing. I’m just making plans with a friend.”

“Really, friends?”

Kat scowls, getting defensive at the tone Jane has taken on. “I haven’t done anything with Adena that I wouldn’t do with either of you.”

“Yeah, but you don’t feel about any of us the way you feel about her.”

Kat can’t argue with that. There’s no point in trying to deny her crush, it’s painfully obvious how interested she is in Adena. How the first time she truly wants something romantically, she can’t have it. 

Jane sighs, her tone softening, “I just don’t want you to be the one hurt here. She has a girlfriend.”

“That she’s clearly unhappy with,” Sutton mutters what Kat is thinking. 

“I know she does. And it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m getting another drink,” Kat excuses herself, joining Alex at the bar. Jane’s attempts at looking out for Kat’s heart only hurting her.

***

Kat can see them standing in front of the small local theater waiting for her. It’s clear that they must not see her approaching, because if they had, Kat’s sure they would have stopped talking sooner. 

But she overhears Gabriel asking Adena why Coco bailed “this time” his lips pursed clearly holding back all that he wants to say when Adena just shakes her head in response. 

Instead he tells her, “You deserve better,” before Firuze’s hand on his arm stops him from saying more. She’s seen Kat. 

“Kat! I’m glad you were able to join us!” 

Adena turns around to greet her, both smiling as though the interrupted conversation never happened. 

“Me too. From what Adena’s mentioned, the movie sounds interesting!”

Firuze leads the way, talking with Kat about the movie until they approach the concessions stand where she promptly leaves her to order her movie fare. 

“You getting anything?” Kat sidles up to Adena.

“I’m not sure. I can never finish the popcorn. It feels like a waste.”

“Well, then we’ll just have to share,” Kat smiles easily. “You can’t watch a movie without popcorn.” 

 

They find their theater easily and shuffle towards the middle of their row for the best view. Kat takes her seat by Adena, noticing that the small seats of this theater has her shoulder pressed against Adena’s. There’s nobody seated to her left, she could easily shift her weight in the other direction to allow more space between them. But she doesn’t.  
Soon the theater darkens and the movie begins, holding Kat’s interest completely. That is until Adena’s arm brushes against hers, her hand reaching for the popcorn situated in Kat’s lap; briefly, happily, Kat is distracted. 

And then someone says something in another language Kat doesn’t understand. She’s trying to gather its meaning from the context, when she feels Adena lean towards her explaining to Kat what has just been said. 

Her lips are incredibly close to Kat’s ear, the sound of her voice soft. Her tongue rolling over unfamiliar words, and her breath warm as she whispers translations. Kat involuntarily shivers from the sensations. 

Kat’s eyes flutter and she wishes Adena would press her lips to her neck. Or she needs to move away, because Kat isn’t sure if she can resist the desire to turn and kiss her, to kiss her here, even if it’s in front of her friends. 

It wouldn’t take much. An easy shift, and their noses would graze each other before their lips made contact. Kat squeezes the seat of her chair, fighting the urge, until Adena’s sentence is complete and she returns her attention to the movie. 

Kat tries to comprehend how she can feel so hot and experience goosebumps at the same time. 

Kat tries to remind herself to maintain focus on the screen and not the woman beside her. But whenever something funny or interesting happens her gaze shifts to Adena to see her reaction. And each time, Adena is looking back at her sharing in Kat’s laughter or eyebrow raise. Kat wonders if Adena also shares the beating in her chest. 

***

“I’m sorry, Kat. I didn’t think they wouldn’t subtitle the Farsi.” 

“Don’t worry about it. It was fine.” It was only a handful of phrases throughout the movie. Nothing essential that would have impacted her understanding, but each time it happened, Kat enjoyed knowing that Adena would soon be leaning into her explaining what she did not know.

“Oh! I’m going to get a doughnut,” Gabriel turns around pointing to the bakery they had just passed on their way to the subway station. “Doughnuts?” he asks the others. 

“No, thank you, but -” Adena looks across the street, her brow furrowed in concentration. “I’ll be right back.” Adena takes hold of Kat’s upper arm walking them across the street towards the small park. “Come,” she directs excitedly. 

“Where are we going?” Kat laughs at the suddenness of Adena’s actions. 

“Do you hear that?” Kat listens as Adena navigates her. “I recognize this song. It has to be the violinist I told you about that night you found me at that bench!” Adena beams at this discovery stopping when they find him, a couple of other people already there.

Kat’s giggling settles down as she begins to listen to the soft notes of music from the man’s violin. Kat glances back to Adena, who watches in rapt attention, when she notices a couple near them, arms wrapped around each other. 

The intimacy of this, different than the dark movie theater, makes Kat nervous. She needs a distraction to keep her from overthinking, from fidgeting. She pulls out her phone, snapping a few pictures of the man. Kat switches to Instagram, starting a live video. 

“Okay, I’m confiscating this.” Adena takes the phone from Kat’s hands and drops it into her large purse. The look Adena gives Kat dares her to question her; it only makes Kat smile, her hands raised in surrender. “Just listen. Be in the moment.”

Kat turns her attention back to the musician, she breathes in deeply, closing her eyes to focus on the sound of the bow moving across the strings. It feels less intense when she can’t see Adena out of the corner of her eye. She can let the music wash over her and appreciate it properly. Kat exhales slowly, feeling calmer.

“You’re right. This is nice.” 

Kat opens her eyes again, her gaze directed forward. She pretends not to notice that Adena is staring directly at her when she says, “It’s beautiful.” 

***

Kat’s on the subway, watching her Instagram video, the last image Adena’s hand before she takes the phone away. Kat bites back the smile threatening to take over her face. She’s watching the video again when a text pops up on the screen.

It’s Trevor. 

_Want to come over?_

_I really don’t._  
_You can lose my number._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think


	12. Touch

Sutton fidgets with her dress, attempting to remove whatever is irritating her skin. “I miss when I was topless. Was that really only ten hours ago?”

“Here,” Alex hands her his drink to occupy her while Jane fixes the dress. 

“Ah, thank you. Both.” Sutton’s face softens into relaxation. Which last for all of three seconds before her eyes widen in horror. Jacqueline is approaching them, Richard at her side. 

“Hello, ladies. How are you all enjoying the fundraiser thus far?” 

Sutton stays silent, focused on her drink, leaving the others to carry the conversation. It’s been less than a week since Sutton broke up with him and the tension is palpable. And when Sutton glances up and finds Richard looking to her, it’s too much. 

“I’m going to -” Sutton interrupts, walking away mid sentence, before anyone has the chance to respond. 

“Probably just has to go to the ladies’ room,” Kat laughs dryly, trying to explain Sutton’s behavior, hoping that neither Jacqueline nor Richard look back and notice that Sutton is actually headed directly to the bar.

“Well, we should probably go greet some of the other board members. Enjoy the evening.” 

Waiting until enough distance was between them, Jane turns around, and whispers loudly. “What was that?” 

“Pretty sure this is her first time being so close to Richard since the break up. I’ll go talk to her . . . or try and slow her down.” Alex walks briskly to the bar having noticed that Sutton just downed her second drink and was ordering a third.

“This has to be so hard for her,” Kat’s tone is sympathetic. 

“Yeah. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have to work with your ex - wait is she ordering another drink?”

“I think that one’s for Alex.”

“You know what?,” Sutton announces on her return, “We’re all single right now. We should do that group date thing. Well, I mean, Kat’s sleeping with that guy. But that’s not a relationship.”

“Uh, actually, I’m not sleeping with him anymore.”

“Since when?”

“Did something happen?” 

“No, I just. Didn’t feel like it anymore.” 

“Okay, so we’re all completely single. We should do it. Kat, this could be a great opportunity for you to go out with another woman. See what that’s like.”

“Eh, I don’t know.” Kat takes another sip of her drink wondering if Sutton has a point. Is she a one woman kind of woman or is Adena just the first woman to make her realize she’s not as hetero as she thought she was? 

“Yeah, how about we talk about this tomorrow. When we’re all sober.” Jane is always the voice of reason in this circle. 

Sutton squints at the group, assessing them. “You need to get on my level. Another round!” She pulls Alex with her back to the bar, expecting the others would follow.

***

“I miss his cute face,” Sutton squeezes Kat’s cheeks affectionately, causing Kat to giggle uncontrollably. She has to lean against the hard exterior wall of the building they’re loitering in front of in order stay upright.

“He does have a cute face,” Kat agrees. 

“And such a nice body.” Sutton bites her lip and Kat’s laughs are renewed, this time Sutton joining in.

Jane shakes her head, breathing out a small laugh at the sight of the two of them. Leaning into each other easily set off into fits of laughter due to the alcohol running through them. It had been a difficult task to convince them that it was time to leave. “I’m getting us a cab!”

“You know who else is cute?”

“Adena!” Sutton exclaims happily. 

Kat groans in agreement, throwing her arm over her eyes briefly. “She’s so beautiful,” Kat leans closer to Sutton, “How is she so beautiful?”

“You two would be so cute together.”

“Wouldn’t we - wait,” Kat pushes off the building, causing Sutton to stumble as she works to regains her balance. “Jane, I can get my own cab home.” 

Kat makes every effort to look as sober as she can, under Jane’s scrutinization. “Seriously, I’m good.”

“Okay, but text me when you get home!” 

“Don’t worry so much, Tiny Jane.” Kat envelops her in a hug, murmuring into her hair “I’ll text you. Go, don’t lose your cab.”

Kat ambles closer towards the intersection to find a cab. She hears Sutton’s voice over the noise of traffic before she sees her face peeking out of the lowered window. 

“Love ya!” 

Kat’s still giggling when she gives her taxi driver her address. She’s feeling awake. Alive. She doesn’t want the night to end. The alcohol feeding her desires, Kat pulls out her phone and dials.

The likelihood of her answering seems smaller with each successive ring. Kat is about to end the call, assuming Adena must be asleep. And then she hears her voice. It sounds . . . off.

Kat tries to shake away the haziness of her mind and hopes her words don’t sound too slurred. “‘dena, you okay?” 

“I’m okay, Kat. Is everything alright? It's late . . .” She’s lying. She doesn’t know how she knows, but she does. Adena is not fine. 

“I just wanted to talk, but, Adena, I’m going over.” Kat drops the phone to her side as she leans towards the driver informing him of her new destination. She can hear Adena in the distance, undoubtedly trying to argue. 

She picks the phone up and informs her, “Don’t fight me on this. You will lose.”

***

There isn’t anything obviously wrong, but Kat can feel it. If she came into this sober, Kat would have worried about bothering Adena, about the appropriate ways to interact. But right now, without her mind full of worries and questions, she’s free to just act. To do what feels natural. 

Kat walks right into Adena and pulls her into a hug, and whispers against the side of her head, “Wha’s wrong?” Her suspicions confirmed when she feels Adena sink into her arms. 

Adena wraps her arms around Kat, and it feels so natural. As if this isn't the first time they've hugged more than a greeting.

“Coco and I argued earlier today. And she left.” 

“What were you arguing about?” 

“Nothing. And everything.” Adena lets out a heavy sigh, moving to sit in front of her sofa. 

“You know those arguments that start out with something simple and then somehow you’re talking about every issue?” 

“It started out with dinner, and then . . .” Adena trails off, thinking. “Why is it so hard to consider someone else’s needs or wants before your own?”

Kat places her arm around Adena and rests her head against her shoulder, hoping to offer Adena some comfort. 

“We have talked about this. A lot. And I always hope something will change. That we can get back to what we were. But. I don’t think we can.”

“I’m sorry,” Kat offers, and she means it. As much as she wishes Coco were out of the picture, she’s sorry that Adena feels unhappy, that she’s sad. Kat doesn’t feel competent discussing relationship issues, her dating experience limited, but it seems like Adena is content to sit in silence, with Kat at her side. 

It’s unclear how much time has elapsed, but Kat’s eyes start to feel heavy, the combination of the late hour and the drinks she’d lost count of earlier taking their toll. Breathing in the sandalwood smell she’s come to associate with Adena, Kat could easily fall asleep here. 

“Three years,” Adena says suddenly. “They weren’t all bad. But it hasn’t been good for too long. I can’t believe I’ve let this go so long. Why I had to be so stubborn and hopeful. I feel foolish.”

Kat sits up, looking directly into Adena’s eyes. “No, Adena,” she speaks genuinely, carefully delivering her words. “You are amazing and if Coco doesn’t see that, if she doesn’t treat you like you deserve to be, that’s on her. You’re loyal and thoughtful and courageous.” Kat takes in a breath, thrown off by Adena’s steady gaze and the ease with which these words fall from her lips. It had been easier when she was so focused on Adena’s pain to not notice their proximity. 

“So courageous,” she breathes out. 

Now isn’t the time. Kat knows this. But even now, Adena makes her heart swell and her stomach knot. Too nervous to continue looking into Adena’s eyes, Kat’s eyes dip to the wooden floor, where Adena’s hand is splayed, centimeters from Kat’s own. 

“I wish I could be as courageous.” 

She shouldn’t. 

But she does. 

Kat slides her hand over, until she’s placed it atop Adena’s, feels her soft skin underneath her palm. This small, but completely intentional touch sets her body on fire. Her heart pounding in her chest, Kat looks up to Adena, her eyes flickering between Adena’s eyes and lips. 

Kat bites her lips back, to keep herself from leaning in and brushing her lips against Adena’s; because her mind says she shouldn’t and yet she’s acutely aware that Adena hasn’t moved her hand, that she hasn’t broken their eye contact. 

And then Adena’s phone rings, Coco’s name across the screen that lays directly in front of their hands. 

They stare at the phone as it continues to ring, Coco’s face looking back at them.

Kat pulls her hand back, standing. “I should go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been struggling this week with motivation. *shrug* thought you should know.


	13. Gone

Kat pulls the metal chair back, making a scratching noise on the floor causing her friends to wince. No doubt they, too, were dealing with hangovers. 

“You look like I feel.”

“Mm, thanks.” 

“So,” Kat draws out, debating on telling them about her late night visit to Adena’s. The impulsive part of Kat is eager to just spill every detail, but there’s another part of her, something that makes her hesitant. “um, how was the rest of your night?.” 

Sutton grumbles without looking up from her menu. 

“Someone regrets her drunk actions last night.”

“Tell me you didn’t call Richard.” 

“So close!” 

“After we got in the cab, I realized I didn’t have my phone, so we went back. I had given it to Alex, because I didn’t trust that I wouldn’t call Richard.”

“Sober Sutton thinking ahead, mmhmm?”

“Well, when I found Alex and my phone, I - I kissed him,” her voice raises as if posing a question.

“You kissed Alex?! How was it?” Kat leans closer, curiosity getting the best of her. 

“His lips are very soft,” Sutton smiles coyly meeting Kat’s hand held up for a high-five. “But it’s Alex. We’re friends. I don’t want things to be awkward between us.” 

“They won’t be” Jane says around a mouthful of her pancakes. “We already talked about it. He knows you were just drunk.”

“When did you talk to him?”

“Last night, when you passed out in the cab.”

“Nice,” Sutton perks right up, “now I don’t have to talk to him about it.” 

“Being an adult is so hard.” Sutton rolls her eyes at the mock sympathy in Jane’s voice.

“Well this makes me feel a lot better about my night.” Kat takes a long sip of her coffee deciding how to lead. “I went over to Adena’s last night. No, not like that.” Sutton’s face falling from its previous excitement. “I called her and she sounded upset, so I went over.”

“Was she okay?”

“Sort of. She and Coco fought. I guess. She really doesn’t seem happy with her.”

“I mean, we could guess that, couldn’t we? She-” 

“I almost kissed her,” Kat blurts out.

“How almost?”

“Like inches from her face, almost. I would have done it, but Coco called. So. . . I left.”

“And you haven’t talked about it?”

“In what time, Jane? This happened less than twelve hours ago.” Jane glares at her. “Sorry, I’m tired and . . . overwhelmed.” 

Kat didn’t want to admit the last part, but her mind has been consumed by Adena since she came into her life. And things seems to be getting messier. Kat doesn’t pull away when Jane places her hand on her forearm, her thumb stroking her soothingly. 

“It’s scary the first time you fall for someone. Seriously fall. Trust me, I know. Eric was my only serious relationship”

“I never got to tell Richard I loved him.” Sutton’s subdued voice joins. 

“I’m sorry, babe.” Kat reaches out to Sutton.

Sutton shrugs, smiling sadly. “Hey, I’ve got you two. And you have us.”

***

Kat had been able to distract herself after brunch with shopping, but now she’s home. Alone. Alone with her thoughts, which are determined to replay the events of last night, with questions of what if. What if Coco hadn’t called? What if Kat had kissed her? Would Adena have kissed her back? 

Kat looks back at the course of their friendship, at the nearly three months worth of interactions. Every now and then Kat thinks she sees something in Adena’s face, in the way Adena treats her, something that makes her believe that it’s not just her feeling things. But it always disappears so quickly that Kat never feels truly sure that it was there in the first place. She’s not used to having to wonder if someone is interested in her. Not like this. 

She moves restlessly about her room, having hung up her recent purchases, she has nothing else to occupy her. Should she call Adena? Or maybe text her? Kat drops her phone on the bed when she realizes that Adena may not be alone right now. What if that phone call was to apologize? And Coco is with Adena?

Adena said that Coco had left. Left where? For how long? She stares at the phone willing it for answers, for guidance. 

It buzzes.

Kat’s stomach flutters nervously. She stares at the phone until it buzzes again. 

_Which tie should I wear to the meeting tomorrow?_

It’s Alex. In the group text. Kat sighs, uncertain if it’s relief or disappointment.

When all three women respond with some variation of the blue one Kat laughs typing out her next message to Alex, sufficiently distracted from her previous thoughts.

***

Curled up on her sofa, Kat is two episodes into her Game of Thrones rewatch, the setting sun’s light flowing into her apartment. Kat’s frequent selfie sessions, let her know this would be a good Instagram moment. 

Kat angles herself so that the sun is directly behind her, creating a halo like aura around her. Her ficus by the window, visible in her shot. No filter needed, she posts her photo with appropriate hashtags before wandering to the search bar, ready to like Sutton’s brunch photos. 

But the first name she sees in her recent searches is Coco. She clicks instinctively. 

Somehow the photo still comes as a shock.

“They broke up,” Kat murmurs to herself. The caption on Coco’s post of a broken heart: _Three years and it’s gone._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter than the others because it made the chapter before this and after too long, but I wanted to include this in the fic. So hope you enjoy it even though it kind of feels filler-y to me. Drop me a comment with your thoughts. Thaaaaaaanks


	14. Just Friends

Today will be the first time Kat sees Adena since she was in her apartment. Sure they had returned to texting as though nothing had happened, but today she would actually see her. 

Kat denied it when Jane and Sutton asked, but she was nervous. Nervous that the things they wouldn’t say over the phone would have to be addressed in person. And these worries would fill her mind, if she gave them any space. So Kat spent the day trying to stay as busy as possible. 

Having finished the last meeting of the day, Kat walks back to her desk, where she sees Adena waiting for her. She had thought that seeing her after their last encounter would have her feeling awkward, but all she can feel is happy to see her again, the smile growing on her face, she approaches her.

“Have you been waiting for me long?” 

“Just a few minutes. Alex said I could wait here. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Kat throws a few things from her desk into her purse. “I am done and so ready to get out of here.”

“Perfect. So, where would you like to get coffee today?”

“Oh, I actually found this new place earlier this week. I think you’d really like it. The coffee’s good and their displays of local artwork is awesome.” 

“That sounds lovely.” Kat looks to the ground, trying to hide the smile on her face from the reflective elevator doors. She’s been dying to share this place with Adena and feels a sense of accomplishment in hearing her interest. 

“Alex mentioned you were very busy today.”

“So busy. I had a ton of interviews to fill the position Natalie left.”

“Anyone promising?” But before Kat can answer, Adena’s phone begins ringing from within her bag. “I’m sorry,” Adena apologizes, fishing her phone out. “It’s my mother.” 

Kat nods her head in understanding, letting Adena know she doesn’t mind the interruption. In fact, she’s enjoying the opportunity to hear Adena speak Farsi. She’s so fixated on Adena’s smile and the sound of her animated voice, that she doesn’t see the man. 

She doesn’t realize that he’s walking completely too close to them, until he’s bumped into Adena. Yelling at her to go back to her country before he spits on the ground. 

It all happened so fast. And Kat doesn’t know what Adena is saying, but she hears the shift in her tone, how she lowers her volume. And then there’s a ringing in her ears, the blood pumping faster through her body, her instinct to fight surfacing. 

“HEY! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM, ASSHOLE?”

“MY PROBLEM?” 

She hadn’t considered what would happen if she yelled at him She just knew she had to say something. She couldn’t let it go. But now he’s turned around to face Kat, walking towards her. She won’t back down. Instead she moves closer, prepared to face him head on. 

In her periphery she sees Adena throwing her phone in her purse, moving quickly to step directly in front of Kat. She feels Adena’s hands at her arms, trying to draw her attention from the man approaching them. 

“Kat, don’t. Don’t do this. He’s not worth it. Let’s just go.” 

It’s the worry in her voice gets Kat’s attention. She sees the pleading in Adena’s eyes, begging her to walk away. And despite her desire to stand up for her, the anger that’s running through her, Kat doesn’t want to upset Adena anymore than she already is. She’s ready to listen to her, to just walk away. 

But when Adena turns, she accidentally touches the man, who shirks her off letting out a fresh round of derogatory names. It’s too much. Kat sees red and instinctively throws her fist out to make contact with the side of his face. 

She feels some satisfaction at having shut him up, but then Adena is pulling her by the hand, the police officers across the street having looked up at the commotion. 

They’re moving quickly, Kat blindly following Adena until they’re in a cab and the destination - Adena’s apartment - given. 

Kat lets out a small laugh, the adrenaline coursing through her body, everything feels surreal. And then she sees Adena’s face, much more somber than her own. Kat’s laugh dies and she focuses on her breathing. 

“I can’t believe you did that. What were you thinking?” 

“I - I wasn’t,” Kat admits, surprised by Adena’s tone. “But he deserved it, Adena. He had no right to talk to you that way.” 

Adena bites her lip, holding back whatever it is she wants to say. Choosing instead to look out the window as they slowly move through traffic. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. 

“Are you okay?” Adena asks more gently, looking to Kat’s hand in her lap. 

“Yeah.” Kat examines her hand more closely. “It just hurts a little.” 

“We can ice it upstairs.” Adena holds the cab door open for her.

 

Kat sits quietly on the sofa watching Adena slowly wrap a thin towel around a bag of frozen peas. The atmosphere between them having shifted dramatically from when they were at Scarlet. 

Adena pulls her legs underneath her as she sits facing Kat, breaking the silence, “I’m sorry for being harsh in the car.” She lifts Kat’s hand to place on her knee, gently placing the cold peas against Kat’s knuckles. “I was upset. And worried about you. About what could have happened.”

“You were worried about _me_?” This wasn’t something that had occurred to Kat. She assumed Adena was mad at her for making a bad situation worse. For putting them in danger by lashing out physically. But of course she isn’t mad. Because Adena’s one of the most considerate people she knows. 

That despite what happened tonight, she is feeling concern for Kat. That she’s here tending to Kat’s injured hand, apologizing for being rude to her. It's all too much.

“I was worried for me, too. But I wasn’t the one trying to fight a man twice my size,” Adena gives Kat a small smile.

“I so could have taken him,” Kat jokes. 

Adena removes the peas, and brings Kat’s hand closer to her for inspection. “I think you are going to bruise.” Adena rubs her thumb across Kat’s knuckles softly, eliciting a slight wince. Adena smiles apologetically. “Thank you, by the way”. 

Adena’s still holding Kat’s hand, looking at her gently, eliciting a fluttering sensation within her. She tries to find words to respond to Adena, but nothing feels right. 

“I -” Kat exhales deeply trying to find the words that will satisfy her. The internal battle between what she wants to say and what she thinks she should say causes her to groan. 

She stands ready to leave rather than try to figure it out. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I just -” Kat looks at Adena, feels her heart starting to quicken again. “I just can’t -” 

Kat takes another deep breath in, each word out of her mouth feeling like extraordinary effort, she feels her eyes darting about, too nervous to stay on Adena’s face for too long. 

She's breathing too quickly, she notices, but she can't help it. The words she's been burying are fighting to come out. 

“When we met, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Which makes sense, because,” Kat shrugs nervously, “you’re amazing, and thoughtful, and honest. And. You’re the only person I’ve ever met who. Y’know, completely throws me off my game.” 

Is she making any sense?

“And then I thought that I had to have misread everything. Because. . . But. . . You never mentioned her. Not once.” 

She must be making some sense, because Adena quirks her lips, looking guilty. Which isn’t what she meant to make her feel. She’d worry more, but she’s started this impromptu speech, and the words keep falling from her lips.

“But, I thought we could be friends. Because, I don’t. I don’t do this. I don’t -” 

Kat’s brow furrows, the next words unclear to her. I don’t catch feelings, I don’t fall, I don’t, I don’t . . . 

“I can’t. Be just friends. Not when I really. Really like you.”

The direct admission of her feelings has Kat’s heart pounding in her chest. Her eyes travel along Adena’s face, waiting to see if her lips open to say something, or if her eyes will betray her thoughts. 

She’s waiting for something, anything, to let her know where they go from here. 

The seconds feel like forever and Kat’s ready to run away. Her purse slung around her shoulder, she has a direct line to the door. 

But then she feels Adena’s hand at the back of her neck, bringing her gaze from the door to her face. Adena’s face which is coming closer to her own. Kat feels the heat travel from her chest upwards. She can feel Adena’s warm breath on her lips just before Adena tilts her head slightly, and presses her lips to Kat’s. 

It feels like a small explosion inside her body, finally experiencing what she has only dreamed of. Kat draws her hand to Adena’s shoulder, meeting her kiss, engulfed in the heat of her desire. 

Too soon, Adena pulls away, looking to Kat with those eyes that make her lose all sense of self, that make her want to stay lost in Adena forever. She’s searching Kat’s face, assessing her reaction. 

Kat surges forward, wrapping her arm around Adena’s back, pulling her closer. Kat takes Adena’s lips into hers, kissing her with an intensity that quells any of Adena’s earlier concerns, ending each kiss with the beginning of another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I wasn't sure if people would be like "peas? why would she use peas to ice Kat's hand" and I chose peas because I thought they would settle along her knuckles better than ice. But then I got self conscious about my choice and wondered if people would be like wtf, so here I am explaining something that probably does not need to be explained. sigh. why am i like this?
> 
> Also, I couldn't bear to type out any derogatory things a man like this might say, so, sorry if that affects the scene. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.


	15. Hungry

If this were anyone else, Kat would know what to do. She’d do what she always does. Make her way to the bedroom for a round or two of sex before sneaking out. But that doesn’t feel right for this situation. It isn’t what she wants with Adena. What she wants . . . What she wants isn’t completely clear to her. All she knows is that she wants to be touching Adena, kissing her again. 

Adena’s lithe fingers move over her scarf, gently removing it to place on the coffee table. She runs her hands over her hair, smoothing it down and it dawns on Kat that this is the first time she’s ever seen Adena without her hijab. 

Their eyes meet across the short distance, and it’s as though though the world has slowed down, quieted. Kat can only hear her heart beating as she approaches Adena, her hands reaching out to hold her, slowly moving towards her. Letting her nose rub against Adena’s to draw out the time before their lips connect. She enjoys the tension, and when their lips touch, it feels electric. 

The world has melted away, and all she can feel is Adena’s soft hand at her cheek and their lips moving against each other. And then Adena’s hand moves to the back of her neck, her finger stroking gently there, sending shivers down Kat’s back. 

Her heart rate increases with the hunger she feels for Adena, starved from all the times she wanted to be kissing her, but couldn’t. Kat pulls her closer, kissing harder.

 

They’ve been kissing for so long, that Kat needs to break away, catch her breath. But she doesn’t want to stop, she wants more. 

Breathing heavily, her forehead resting against Adena’s, she asks, “Can we?” Then gestures towards what she assumes is the bedroom. 

Adena hums in accordance, nodding slightly. She takes Kat’s hand gently, guiding her forward until they reach the bed and Kat begins to kiss her with the same fervor as before. 

This time when Kat breaks for air, Adena moves her kisses to Kat’s cheek and then along her jaw, on the way to her neck. Kat finds herself squeezing Adena’s hip involuntarily at the sensations leaning in to the kisses, begging for more. 

If she thought that all of their touches in the past were overwhelming, it’s nothing compared to what it feels like to have Adena intentionally touching her. It’s the kind of overwhelming she wants to continue feeling, to let it consume her. 

She steps back and swiftly removes her top, considering if she should take off her pants as well. But she’s frozen before she can decide, distracted by the way Adena’s hooded eyes move along her exposed body. This time, there is no question in Kat’s mind about Adena’s attraction. It’s written plainly on her face as she moves along the curves of her breast and down her stomach. Kat can’t help smirking in satisfaction when she leans in to kiss her. 

Adena’s hands run up her back and Kat knows she made the right decision to take off her shirt, Adena’s fingers stroking up her spine. And then her hand is lightly squeezing Kat’s neck. 

“Kat. I. I think we should slow down.”

“What? Why?” Kat panics, worrying she’s done something wrong. 

“I. I just. Mm, uh, I don’t want to rush things,” Adena answers between heavy breaths.

“Yeah, yeah, ok.” Kat shifts to Adena’s side, facing her. 

Adena caresses her cheek and kisses her gently.

“I really like you, too, by the way.”

Kat giggles, “I kind of figured that out.” 

“I wanted to make sure I said it. So that you know.” 

It’s the first time Kat sleeps with someone. 

She’s had sex. With multiple partners. But she’s never slept with any of them. Never wanted to. Never understood the desire to. 

But tonight, with Adena’s arm draped around her waist, she finally gets it. Finally understands what is to not want a night to end. 

They talk and kiss until the fatigue turns their sentences into soft murmurs, until it’s just them holding each other asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't know what to title this, so I went with Hungry, because that's how I always view Kat in relation to Adena, especially physically. 
> 
> I know this is short, but this is another one of those short chapters that I thought was worth including.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated. Thanks :)


	16. Us

Kat’s practically bouncing as she exits the elevator, headed directly to find her friends. Less than five hours ago, she was waking up in Adena’s bed. She was alone in bed, because Adena had woken up to pray, but she found her in the kitchen waiting with a mug of coffee. 

It had been excruciatingly difficult to leave her apartment this morning and she wasn’t sure if their goodbye kiss was enough to tide her over for the day.

She can see that Sutton and Jane are clearly in the middle of a conversation, but she can’t keep herself from interrupting as soon as she’s close enough. 

“I have something major to tell you.”

“Can it wait? I have to go help Oliver prepare for the Favorite Coats for Fall Photoshoot. And you know it’s my fav-” 

“I made out with Adena last night!”

“And I’ll be two minutes late.” 

Kat giggles in satisfaction, leading the way towards the fashion closet where she can safely share the other details of her night. 

Jane jumps in as soon as the door shuts behind them. “What? How?” 

“And please be brief.” 

Jane is clasping her hands waiting patiently while Sutton’s eyebrows are raised, begging Kat to start talking. 

Kat breathlessly rushes out, “We kissed for hours. And I stayed the night. I know! I kissed a girl!”

“And you liked it!”

“You liked it.”

“And I liked it!” 

“That’s great,” Sutton hugs her tightly. “I love you. Oliver’s waiting, talk later.”

***

“How was your day?” 

Adena poses the question so easily. As though it should take no effort for Kat to answer. As though Kat wouldn’t be struggling with finding her voice or the oxygen to breathe, when Adena’s settling in next to her. 

Who knew a simple black tank top could be so distracting. 

“Um, busy. Nothing too exciting, though. How was your day?”

“It was good. I-,” Adena pauses to smile a bit wider. “I’m happy you’re here.”

“Me, too.” 

Kat’s eyes move along Adena’s features, appreciating the twinkle in her eye and the tilt of her smiling lips. She remembers what it felt like to have her lips pressed against Adena’s and she wants to forget the food she brought over for the dinner they’re supposed to be sharing. She would rather spend her time tangled in Adena. 

But this is all foreign territory to her. She doesn’t know how to proceed.

Adena must recognize the desire behind Kat’s eyes, because she smirks slightly before leaning closer to Kat, inviting her to close the gap. 

Kat’s heart starts to drum in excitement when she draws her hand to Adena’s neck. But a buzzing interrupts her, and she drops her hand back to her side. 

Kat swallows nervously, “You can. Get that. And then we’ll . . .”

Or maybe they won’t. 

Adena’s face drops when she looks at her phone, and Kat immediately knows. 

“It’s Coco, isn’t it?”

“It’s three AM in Paris.”

“You can take it.” Her response is instinctive. She doesn’t want Adena to answer the phone. She wishes that Coco hadn’t called at all. Because now, it’s like Coco is there in the room with them. Affecting the mood and their plans. But Coco did call, and Kat didn’t know what else to say.

“No. No.” Adena drops the phone on the coffee table, turning her attention back to Kat. 

But the phone buzzes again, and Kat feels like she’s the one who doesn’t belong in Adena’s apartment. 

“You know, I feel like you should take it. Plus it’s later than I thought, so, uh,” she grabs her purse ignoring Adena’s appeals to stay, “I have so much work to do, really. I’m going to go.”

She’s just opened the door to let herself out when she hears Adena’s voice.

“Coco, est-ce que tout vas bien?”

***

“So basically you bolted?”

“No. Her ex girlfriend called. Twice. I was being emotionally mature.” 

“Noted.” The tone of Sutton’s voice indicates she doesn’t buy it for one second. 

“So does Coco know about you?”

“Do you think that’s why she was calling?”

“I - have no idea. Can we talk about something else?” Kat shifts uncomfortably on the sofa. Just this morning talking about Adena had her radiating with happiness but now she feels like a rock has settled in her stomach. 

“Jacqueline wants me to write an article for this new dating app”

“Ooh!”

“It’s called SetYouUp, and your best friend chooses your date. And since you two are my best friends, I guess you all -” Jane laughs, her sentence incomplete. Kat has already reached for her phone; Sutton rubbing her hands together conspiratorially. 

Jane sips on her wine, watching the two huddled close together as they swipe through various profiles. Their gleeful smiles and little whispers make it hard for her not to take the phone and look at her prospective dates. 

“I love this guy’s abs.”

“Hey, Jane, where are you on genital piercings? Love ‘em or gotta have ‘em?”

“If you choose someone with genital piercings, I will kill you.”

“I don’t know what’s more fun. Getting to pick Jane’s guy or watching Jane not get to pick her guy.”

“You just love anything that doesn’t involve your love life.”

“Don’t go there.”

“I’d say too bad we’re not all single, so we could all do this, but I don’t think I’m ready to start dating again. I can’t believe I ever thought I was.”

Not all single? Is Kat no longer single? She hadn’t really thought of this yet. It’s too soon to be labeling what’s happening between her and Adena. They kissed. Less than 24 hours ago. That doesn’t mean she’s no longer single. Right?

“Richard was my longest relationship. I’m not really sure when I’ll feel over him.”

Adena just got out of a three year long relationship. That’s practically forever to Kat, whose longest relationship - using a loose definition - was two weeks. 

Single. Relationship. Words that didn’t have this gravity 24 hours ago are now sending her mind into overdrive. 

“What do you think?” Sutton tilts the screen towards Kat. She nods enthusiastically, as though she’s only thinking of Jane’s soon to be date instead of drowning in fear. “I think we have a match!”

***

Kat had hoped that after a good night’s rest, she would forget last night. She’d forget that Coco called, ruining the night she had planned with Adena. Would forget her worries about defining or understanding what’s happening between her and Adena. 

But somehow tweeting for their sexual health hour wasn’t enough to keep Kat’s mind off of Adena. 

“Look at you twitter storming. I was thinking of going to get Shake Shack. Do you - Oh,” Sutton points to Kat’s illuminated phone, “I’ll -” She steps away to allow Kat to answer.

“Hey, Adena.”

“Kat. I wanted to apologize for last night.” 

“Oh, no, it’s, don’t worry about it.”

Messages pop up on her computer screen. They’re from Jane and Sutton who are a couple of desks over watching her talk on the phone. 

_what’s happening_

_did she tell coco about you?_

_I don’t know_

“I, uh, I didn’t tell Coco about us but I think I set better boundaries with her, so it shouldn’t happen again. 

_what’s she saying?_

_She talked to Coco_ \- to her friends. A link for communication tips tweeted.

“I’d love to actually get to have dinner together. No interruptions.”

_We’re an us?_

_How did Coco take it?_

“Yeah -, “ Kat’s struggling to stay in this conversation. 

_This lesbian shit is intense_

Shit. She meant to send that to Jane and Sutton. But she’s tweeted it. During their sexual health hour.

“Oh my god, Adena, I have to go.” She lets the phone drop from her ear, racing to delete the tweet before anyone notices it. She’s staring at the screen waiting for someone to say something, and then she hears her name ring out from Jacqueline’s office.

“KAT!”

***

The conversation with Jacqueline wasn’t as torturous as she thought it would be. Actually, Jacqueline was mostly concerned that something was going on with Kat and seemed reassured by Kat’s insistence that everything was fine, and that she wouldn’t tweet something like that again. 

She’s scrolling through some popular posts on Instagram in an attempt at a brief, but relaxing break. It isn’t clear to Kat what she sees that makes her think of Coco, but now she’s back to feeling like her mind is a jumbled mess. 

She thought the hardest part would be admitting her feelings to Adena. But she’s feeling a new set of worries and discomfort. The primary concern, Kat realizes as she scrolls past the broken heart post and onto the pictures of Coco and Adena adventuring together, is that Kat will fuck this up. 

Adena and Coco have so much in common - they cooked, they bought art . . . they were together for three years. 

A part of her feels like she’s ruined this amazing thing they had. And for what? 

Kat’s never been a relationship person. She’s never actually been in a relationship, a legitimate relationship. The longest she spent seeing someone was two weeks. Two weeks. What if Adena only does serious relationships? 

Why didn’t she think of any of these things before she confessed to Adena?

Whatever it is that they’re doing. She’s going to ruin it. She knows this. 

Her breathing becomes shallow as she paces the hallway, trying to run away from her thoughts. 

She dials Adena’s number. What she’s going to say she hasn’t figured out yet. But she needs to do something.

“Hello. Shalom. Bonjour. . .”

Kat hangs up the phone and takes in a deep breath. It’s okay, she tries to reassure herself, tries to tell herself that there’s no need to be so concerned. It’s new, they’ll figure it out. 

But the negative voice inside her head is growing louder and stronger. 

She grabs the phone and types out _Sorry, I just can’t do this._

Her finger hovers over the send key for a second and then she presses down. 

Message sent. 

She powers off her phone.


	17. On My Mind

“Kat!” Adena’s firm voice quickly gains Kat’s attention. This is a tone she’s never heard from her; a tone she would have been glad to never hear. It pierces her and she has to take a breath to compose herself.

“Hey, uh, what are you doing here?”

“What the hell was that? You send me a cowardly text and then you disappear?” Adena’s look is always intense, but the energy vibrating from her makes her look intimidating. It’s clear Adena is being fueled by passion. 

Someone else might falter under her stare. But Kat is the complete opposite, shutting down when she senses danger.

“I told you. I don’t wanna do this.”

She pushes away any feelings that might want to surface. 

“I don’t believe you.” The anger that drove Adena to the office seems to be dissipating and now she’s asking Kat to be reasonable. “Talk to me. Come on.”

She can’t let Adena’s look or her tone affect her. If she lets herself think or feel for Adena, guilt will follow, and she’ll break under the weight of all her thoughts and feelings. And Kat doesn’t know what that will look like, what it will feel like. 

Removed from her feelings, she can keep Adena at a distance, can stay safe. She delivers her words with an iciness that stings even her. 

“I think you should probably leave.” 

Kat turns away, away from Adena’s soft eyes, looking at her hopefully. She’s hoping that Adena will give up and go back, because she can already feel the cracks in her facade. 

“Where the hell is this coming from? Is it because I’m a woman? I would never ask you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“Look it’s not you okay. It’s not a gay thing. It. . . Look uh, you haven’t know me for very long. But if you had you’d know relationships just aren’t my thing.”

“That was not the impression you gave me the other night.”

“I never meant to mislead you. But you should work it out with your beautiful, successful certified lesbian girlfriend.” She didn’t mean to say that. She’s thought it. Has thought it several times. She can’t do this here or at all. “I can walk you out.”

“No need.”

Kat closes her eyes, as Adena walks past, slightly sniffling. 

Kat tells herself that it’s better this way.

***

“So I’m thinking about moving to Queens.” Kat fills her glass to the top with rosé before handing the bottle to Jane. “That way I’ll never run into Adena. Ever.”

“I think you’re being a little dramatic.”

“I can’t believe how quickly that imploded.”

“We just wanted different things. It’s fine. Not everybody is relationship material. Speaking of which,” her voice lilts in a sing song manner, “how was your date with . . .”

“Landon.”

“Ooh, yeah, tell us all about it!” 

***

It’s Saturday morning and Kat can’t sleep. Which doesn’t make sense because her eyes feel heavy with fatigue. But every time she closes her eyes to sleep she starts thinking - about work, her plans for the day, anything. It’s like her mind won’t quiet enough to let her sleep. 

So instead of laying in bed any longer trying to convince her body that it should let her sleep, she decides on going out. 

It’s a short, brisk walk to the bagel shop by her apartment and she’s already feeling more awake. Maybe the addition of some food and caffeine will make her less cranky about being awake at 7am on a Saturday. 

She’s sipping on her coffee waiting for her bagel to be ready when she notices a new photo on the wall. Her body reacts instinctively before her mind can process - she’s smiling, pulling out her phone to take a picture to send Adena before she remembers that she can’t do that. Her smile drops along with her mood, taking the bagel to eat at home, alone. 

*** 

“Be there in 5” Kat texts Alex as she steps out of her train. She’s running late, per usual. She’s trying to weave through bodies towards the exit, questioning the sudden congestion. Maybe somebody’s passed out, or there’s a fight. Kat tries to catch a glimpse of what’s distracted the others.

Her guesses were completely wrong. It’s just a guy playing his guitar. At first Kat rolls her eyes at the people impeding her movement, but then she remembers the violinist. This guy looks nothing like him, being 20 years younger, but the crowd of spectators is enough of a connection.

She left her apartment to stop thinking about Adena. But it seems like the universe is determined to keep her from it. 

She tells Alex as much when he questions her demeanor. 

“Is the universe making you think of her? Or is she so on your mind that everything makes you think of her?”

Kat rolls her eyes and takes a swig of Alex’s beer “That’s disgusting.” Alex simply continues to look at her, waiting for a response. “I don’t know. I - All I know is with her, without her, she’s just always on my mind.” 

“Kat, I know things got intense with Adena. But do you think that maybe you were a little hasty in ending things so fast?”

“Not you, too.” She complains, although she knows that Alex would drop it in a second if she asked him to. “Okay, If we’re going to have this conversation, I need a proper drink.”


	18. Journey

Kat follows Jane to a spin bike, still mildly in disbelief that she agreed to join her. That’s how desperate she is for a distraction. 

Alex had asked her what she wanted. Without thinking about relationship histories or the meanings we give to words, what did Kat want? She didn’t answer him them, although she knew the answer. If nothing else existed, if she wasn’t scared, if Coco didn’t exist, it would be simple. Adena. 

That’s what she wanted. To spend time with Adena, to talk to her - and yes, to kiss her, but really just to be near her. Adena makes her feel the way nobody else has. 

But that’s a world that doesn’t exist. She does have her lack of relationship experience to consider. And she can’t help the concerns that seep into her mind about dating someone who’s just ended a three year long relationship. 

When Jane informed her she couldn’t talk because she was heading out to spin, Kat jumped on the opportunity to take her mind off of the never ending cycle of questioning her decision to end things with Adena before they even really started.

But now the instructor is asking that everyone “Close your eyes. Embrace this moment. Set your intention,” and Kat is already starting to regret this choice. Kat’s only intention is to have something to do for an hour. 

“You are here for a reason.   
Now open your eyes.   
Your journey towards your best self starts now.   
Turn up that resistance.” 

Kat would be occupied with making fun of the instructor’s new age bullshit, but she’s too busy cursing the pain she can already feel in her legs. The last time she did any exercise was the Soul Wheel event for Scarlet. Kat knows that she’ll be in a world of pain later on today and into tomorrow.

“It’s time to test what you’re capable of.”

Kat’s just trying to focus on keeping her legs moving. 

“The journey is just as important as the destination.   
So embrace the climb.   
Find your inner strength.”

Her body’s becoming accustomed to the repetitive action, familiar with the burning in her legs.

“Whatever that obstacle is, you need to push through it.   
You are stronger than you think.   
You are here for a reason.”

She’s actually starting to feel a sense of satisfaction. All of the restless energy that’s been humming in her body is finding release. She doesn’t have to hold it any longer. 

“Now stand up for what you want.   
Third position.   
You cannot change until you power through what is right in front of you.”

She can do this. 

“Can you feel yourself growing?   
You are almost there.   
Five seconds before we release the resistance.”

She can get through this pain. It’s only temporary. It won’t last. 

“Now release the torque.   
It doesn’t matter how you start   
what matters is how you choose to finish.”

Kat takes in a shaky breath as she releases the torque, and with her exhale a tear pools at her lower lid. She can push through this, needs to push through this, because it’s worth it. She’s worth it. 

“If you can do this you can do anything.   
This is your ride.   
This is your life.”

She lets out a shaky laugh, and the tear drops down her cheek. Why was she letting her worries ruin something that could be so beautiful? 

Kat shakes her head, breathing out a cry or laugh - she can’t tell anymore.

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I - I have to go.”

***

She’s sitting in the cab, wishing that traffic would let up. The cab just needs to turn right and Adena’s apartment is a few buildings up the street. They’re almost there, she tells herself, trying to be patient.

But she can’t wait. Not when she’s so close. She quickly pays the driver and runs the rest of the distance. She’s able to catch the door just as someone is exiting and she races up the stairs, banging on the door, trying to catch her breath. 

As soon as the door opens, she rushes in - into the apartment and her apology.

“Look you were right. I was a coward and I’m sorry. So sorry. I was horrible.”

Adena’s face may be void of emotion and her arms crossed, but she tells Kat to, “Go on.”

“It’s not that it’s a gay relationship. It’s not. It’s that it’s any relationship. I’ve never been in one before! I can’t promise that I won’t mess it up but I’m totally in.”

She’s breathing heavily waiting for Adena to respond. And then she notices something she’d missed when she rushed in. 

There’s a suitcase by the door. 

“Oh. I - I shouldn’t have -” 

“Kat - ” 

“I just - I didn’t realize - Are you leaving?”

“To my studio. It’s for my cameras.” 

For a second, Kat thought Adena was leaving New York. Had worried that her encouragement to get back with Coco had been taken seriously.

“Kat, I -,” she sighs composing herself. “Thank you.”

“Thank you?”

“For explaining.” She pauses again, looking to Kat solemnly. “I don’t need a big commitment, Kat. I just need to know that you’ll talk to me. That you won’t just walk away. I put up with too much before, and I don’t want to do that again”

“I’m sorry, Adena. Really. I was so overwhelmed and I’m sorry. But I’ll try. I promise I’ll try to communicate better. I’ve been miserable not talking to you. So miserable that I went to a spin class.” Kat can’t help tacking on a joke. She’s slightly worried that Adena might think she’s not taking the situation seriously, but she smiles, and everything feels a little better.

“I was wondering about the outfit.”

Kat smiles back. “I should go home and change. I know that you’re headed to your studio, but, um, do you want to hang out tonight?’

“Yeah. I’d like that.”


	19. Warm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As someone who works in Mental Health, I would like to say that I personally do not care for the use of the term "shrink". But since Kat used that term canonically (and I know real life people do, too) I kept it.

Kat has been staring at the Netflix main screen lost in her thoughts for the past ten minutes. The weekend is officially here, and she’s wondering how she’ll spend time with Adena. Things have been going well after the initial bump. They’ve returned to daily phone calls and Kat’s gone over to Adena’s two or three times in the past week. But that’s been after work, their options on how to spend time together - and how much time together - has been limited. 

The knock at her door, interrupts her thoughts. 

“Why does your face look like that?” Sutton walks past her, placing the takeout on the kitchen counter.

“Yeah, you look like someone’s kicked your dog.”

“What? No. I”m just - I’m thinking about taking Adena out on a date.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Yeah, I just,” Kat hands Sutton some plates, “ I don’t really know what to do for a date.”

“Kat, you’ve gone on plenty of dates.”

“Yeah, to the bar. We just get drunk and hook up. Not really what I’m going for here.”

They carry their plates full of lo mein and kung pao chicken to the living room settling in for a night of tv marathoning.

Around a mouthful of food, Jane asks, “Why don’t you just take her out for dinner?”

“Is that too simple?”

“What? No!”

“I haven’t gone on a dinner date since high school.” Kat drops her head back onto the sofa. 

“Kat a dinner date is fine! Maybe some place she’s been wanting to go?”

“There is this Thai place she mentioned wanting to check out,” she grumbles, uncertain.

“Perfect, do that!” Jane takes a sip of her wine. “Okay, so now that your date plans have been figured out . . . I have to ask. Are you all officially exclusive? Girlfriends?” 

“Jane!” Sutton reprimands.

“What?! She’s past the initial freakout. I’m just curious!”

“We’re . . . seeing how things go, no labels. It’s chill, we’re chill.”

***

_I like the first pitch better_   
_Also, she’s not here yet._   
_Should I wait inside or outside?_

_Uuum_   
_Outside?_

Kat exchanges a few more text messages with Alex before she hears footsteps approaching her. She looks up to find Adena, beautiful as ever, walking towards her, and she feels her pulse quicken with excitement. 

“Hey!” Kat greets leaning into Adena for a light kiss to the cheek. “After you,” Kat holds the door open, allowing Adena to walk into the restaurant first. 

It’s a cozy space with a welcoming atmosphere that reduces Kat’s earlier nerves. They’re seated opposite each other at a table by a window and Kat finds herself wishing they were in a booth so they could be closer. 

They fall into an easy conversation about their days and work. It’s always easy talking to Adena about what others might view as mundane. Adena seems genuinely interested in Kat’s work. And although Kat never would have considered herself to be particularly interested in art, Adena’s love for her work and her enthusiasm draws Kat in. So that when she asks how her day at the studio was, Kat actually cares. 

“You know, I never asked how you got into photography in the first place.”

“Mmm. Well, South Africa was where I discovered the power of portrait photography.”

“Wait, you were living in South Africa?” 

Adena hums with a smile, nodding her head slightly. 

“So, you grew up in Iran and then moved to South Africa? How did that happen?”

“I left home very young. Seventeen.”

“I couldn’t even do my own laundry when I was seventeen.” Kat offers in a revelatory tone and Adena chuckles. “Where else have you been?” Kat is eager to learn more.

“Too many places. Everywhere I go, I discover something new about myself.”

“Wow, I, um. I’ve just spent my entire adult life in one city.”

“You know, I am very grateful for all my experiences, but,” softness in her eyes, “I feel I am ready to stay still for a while.”

Kat’s surprised at how satisfying it is to hear that, to know that Adena will be here for a while, because Kat wants all this time with her.

“What made you come to New York?”

“I wanted something different. Something more.”

“Yeah?”

“It was always so quiet, growing up. ‘Cause it was just me and my shrink parents. And we never fought. If anyone was pissed off about something, we would sit down at the dining room table and we would talk it out. For hours.”

“That sounds very evolved.”

“I hated it. God, I was so bored. So, I moved to New York. Because I wanted dirt and imperfection. And really cheap hot dogs.”

“You came to the right place.” Adena laughs with Kat.

***

Walking out of the subway station, Adena casually links her arm with Kat’s. Kat feels a pull in her stomach and she lightly bites her bottom lip to keep herself from smiling too widely. Throughout dinner, she’d longed to be closer to Adena. To hold her hand for longer than the brief contact Kat offered when insisting she pay for their meal.

“So, how’d I do?” Kat asks when they arrive outside of Adena’s building. She had posed the question blithely, her lip tilting with a smile. 

But Adena looks at her earnestly, her eyes fixated on Kat’s. She answers in her warm, low tone, “I had a lovely evening.” 

Kat swallows thickly, her eyes dropping to Adena’s lips, she leans in to her, pulling away slightly with uncertainty before moving back in to kiss her. Adena’s hand brushes against her cheek and Kat deepens the kiss, pressing forward into Adena. 

Adena’s hand glides down Kat’s arm, she squeezes Kat's hand as she steps back to key the code to enter her building, then tugs Kat in after her, up the stairs and into her apartment. 

Kat shuts the door behind her, watching Adena - who places her keys and her navy patterned scarf at the entry table - waiting for her to make a move. 

Adena approaches her slowly, the palm of her hand against Kat's cheek before she leans back in to kiss her. Their kisses gradually shift from their lips softly grazing each other, to Kat taking Adena’s lip into her own, squeezing at her waist until she moans into her mouth. 

Kat takes a steadying breath, her forehead pressed against Adena’s. She looks into Adena's eyes. Her eyes which at times have felt too piercing, seeing parts of her she wasn't aware of, things she wasn't ready to share. But tonight they only offer her comfort, a reassurance that she is just as in this as Kat is.

Tonight Adena won't tell her to slow down, she won't worry that things are moving too fast. 

They kiss again, making their way to the bedroom where Adena removes her shirt. Kat pulls Adena closer to her, bringing her hands up from her hips to her bare back. 

Kat almost feels as though her legs are going to give out when Adena's tongue moves across her upper lip, her hands moving towards the button on Kat's pants. 

More articles of clothing are removed until they're lying in bed, Adena's warm body atop Kat's. 

Kat breathes heavily between kisses as Adena's hand works it's way between them, one then two fingers entering her, she holds tightly to Adena's back.

Since she first dreamt of Adena, Kat wondered what this would be like. Would she freak out and run away? Would she enjoy Adena's actions but not be able to reciprocate? She thought that faced with this situation her mind would be busy with worries and thoughts, but all her mind is doing right now is experiencing little fireworks of delight. 

“Uh, A-dena,” Kat stutters dropping her hands lower until she's at Adena's underwear. She dips her hand in, her own arousal increasing when she feels the effects she's been having on Adena. 

“Fu-” the word dies on her lips when she hears Adena breathe out and then moan. 

She kisses her again, as they work towards their first orgasms of the night.


	20. Babe

Kat hasn’t taken five steps into the closet when the questions begin.

“Where were you yesterday?”

“Yeah, we were waiting to hear about your date on Saturday.”

Kat laughs at their eager faces. She knows she should have responded to their texts when she got home yesterday, but it would be easier to talk with them in person. And, anyway, she was riding such a high yesterday, she probably couldn’t collect herself enough to form any coherent thoughts. 

“Uh, yeah, sorry. I was busy.”

“What do you mean, ‘busy’? Kat Edison, are you telling us you were still at Adena’s yesterday?!” Jane juts out her head, eyebrows raised, waiting for her answer.

“Oh my God, tell us! What happened?!” Sutton abandons the accessories she was searching through, rushing to Kat's side.

“Well, we went out to dinner like we discussed and then we, uh. We went back to her place.” Kat’s cheeks grow warm, a slight flush appearing, as she recalls the way their night proceeded. She hesitates, deciding how much to share. She's always given them every dirty detail of her nights spent with others, Adena isn’t a one night stand, and she isn’t sure how much she should say.

“How was it?”

“So good.”

“And you stayed over?”

“Mmhmm, we spent the morning together, and” Kat exhales, “Yeah it was a good night.”

“Like a mutually good night?” 

Kat giggles, understanding the underlying question, “Yes, a mutually good night.”

“Agh,” Sutton groans as her phone rings, pulling her away from the conversation. She gestures to Kat to continue. Hopefully Oliver won't keep her long.

She shares that they were up late into the night, the stamina with a woman significantly different from her experiences with men. She’s glad to share that reciprocation was a completely enjoyable act and not the terrifying thing she had worried about in the past. 

But, she keeps to herself the part where she woke up holding Adena in her arms; that Adena’s fingers stroked up her arm before she kissed her hand in a morning greeting. She doesn’t tell Jane that she pulled Adena in tighter, asking to stay in bed together just a while longer. 

“Guys,” Sutton returns, a look of shock on her face, “Oliver’s stuck in Cuba.”

“Oh, no!”

“No,” she shakes her head, “This is good. This means Cassie’s in charge of the Favorite Coats for Fall photoshoot. That makes me her number two!”

“Yeah, babe! You’ll make a great second!.”

“Let’s get you back.” Jane shuffles behind Sutton, excitedly.

***

Kat carries the bundle of decorations to the conference room table. The new hire is out today, leaving her alone with her task when she’d much rather be elsewhere. Dropping the items onto the table, Kat pulls out her phone to send Adena a picture. 

_Fire and ice is the theme_

She leaves the phone on the table and surveys the room deciding where to start her transformation. There are some bold fabrics she can drape in various parts of the room before setting out the bigger items. 

She’s working diligently until she hears her phone vibrating. It used to take Adena hours to respond -she wasn’t lying when she had told Kat she wasn’t a phone person - but she’s more available now, adjusting to Kat’s preferred method of communication. She’s even begun using emojis and sending Kat pictures.

_I bet it will look great when you finish_   
_The readers will love it_

Kat sinks back into an armchair deciding to take a break from her work to continue texting Adena. 

_They better_   
_I've been all over Times Square trying to round up women for this_   
_I hope plenty of people show_

_Mmm, if I recall, it’s quite difficult to say no to you_

Kat drops her head, smiling at Adena’s last message, imagining the look Adena would be giving her if they were together. She misses Adena, which feels like a completely ridiculous way to feel. She just saw her a few days ago and they’re in the middle of a conversation. And yet, she does. She wishes she were at Adena’s apartment, sharing the same space as her, not working late at the office. 

She dismisses these thoughts, sending a laughing emoji and asking Adena about her night.

She’s so engrossed in their conversation that she doesn’t hear Jane walk in, until she clears her throat. 

“I’m heading out.”

“Night, babe. Have fun with Landon!” 

“Don’t let Adena distract you, too much! Oh,” Jane doubles back, “And set something up, we want to hang out with her!” 

“Eh,” Kat hesitates until Jane points her finger at her, insisting that she do it, “alright, I’ll talk to her.”

It’s not that Kat doesn’t want Adena to meet her friends, well really meet them, because meeting them at the art show doesn’t count in her mind. It’s just that she’s been enjoying her time alone with Adena. 

. . . And this would be her first time intentionally introducing someone she’s seeing to her friends. 

She’ll bring it up. 

Just not tonight.

***

Kat is about to send Adena a text letting her know that she is on her way when she realizes that Adena and Firuze are actually just ahead of her. She picks up her pace, slipping her hand into the crook of Adena’s elbow.

“Hey!” Kat smiles at Adena’s surprise, “I thought I was running late.” 

“Just in time, actually. I’m going to get something to drink, want anything?” 

“Water’s good.” 

“No, thank you. We’ll go get a table.” Firuze turns taking Kat with her, weaving through the seating area until they find a table for three. 

“Is this Sara’s first time performing?”

“It's her first time here, but she's always on the stage at any open mic night where she can share her poetry or perform spoken word.” 

“She was also in a band briefly.” Adena sets the waters on the table, taking her seat next to Kat. 

“Thanks, babe.” It's a word she uses so frequently that it's actually a surprise that this is the first time she uses it with Adena. 

It feels right. Especially when Adena smiles at her, running her fingers up her palm, intertwining their fingers.

“That was such a short venture, does it really count?”

Adena doesn't get to answer because the host is on the stage introducing the event and the first performer.

Every piece is different but equally moving, Kat's attention fixated on each new person who comes up to share. She rarely takes her eyes off of the stage, but she feels Adena’s reactions in the way her hand holds on to hers. 

They stay after Sara’s piece, greeting her at the end. Talking until Firuze announces she has to leave and they go their separate ways.

 

Kat invites Adena out for ice cream, not ready for their night to end. They walk hand in hand sharing their favorite moments from the night until they're seated with a bowl of green tea ice cream between them. 

“I would always eat dessert first if I could.”

“I wouldn't peg you for having such a sweet tooth.”

“Really?” Adena lightly bites on her spoon considering this. She shrugs slightly and takes another scoop into her mouth, humming contently. 

“So, Jane and Sutton want to hang out.”

“Yeah?”

“I'm not sure when exactly. Or where. But, if you -”

“I look forward to it.” Adena smiles at her reassuringly.

“Okay,” Kat answers simply, appreciating Adena's ability to sense her worry and knowing to cut her off before she started rambling. 

It doesn't take long for them to finish and return to the cold, crisp outside. Kat's arm makes its way around Adena's waist, holding her close as they walk back to her apartment


	21. Undone

"Of course you're all in here." 

"Jane needs to find the best outfit for tonight."

"Oh, yeah, the panel for influential voices. Congrats, again, Jane." He pauses striding over to take a seat close to them as they rifle through the racks of clothing. "Well, I sort of have a favor to ask."

"Go on."

"So there's this bar that's giving out two tickets to the Yankees game to the winner of their trivia night. And I need a team to sign up?"

"You want us be your team for trivia?" Sutton parts the clothing so that she can look at Alex teasingly when she says, "Oh, you must be desperate."

"Only two tickets?" Kat questions.

"I am, but also, we have diverse interests, right? We could win this. Maybe."

Jane thinks it over, remembering how Alex helped her try to stalk her ex when Kat and Sutton were unavailable. "I guess I like trivia. Um, when is it?"

"This Saturday."

"Oh, no, we're trying to make plans to hang out with Adena this weekend. And we're not letting Kat get out of it. Try this," Sutton offers Jane a white blazer.

"Invite her! The more people the greater the odds, right?" Alex walks out smiling before anyone can disagree.

***

"Stop staring at your phone."

"Yeah, why are you so nervous?"

Kat had been rotating the phone between her hands, checking her notifications every few seconds, her restlessness a clear indicator of her nerves.

"What? I'm not nervous," she pockets the phone, "I'm just looking out in case Adena texts me."

Sutton hums in acknowledgement of Kat's lie, turning to the bartender to order rather than call Kat out.

It's less than a minute when Kat finds her hand already reaching back into her pocket for the phone. She stops herself, instead looking to the bar's entrance waiting for Adena to appear. 

Sutton was right, she is nervous. Which feels pretty ridiculous since they've already met Adena. And Kat talks about her enough that it's like they already know her. And yet she feels a slight knot in her stomach in anticipation.

She rolls her eyes when she notices Jane watching her internally process her feelings, hiding a smile as she sips her drink from a straw. 

And then she sees her walk in. 

Although Adena spots Kat quickly and is making her way towards them, Kat steps away from the bar to meet her. The worry she had been feeling slips away, replaced by the tingling of excitement she feels whenever she sees Adena. 

"Hey, babe," she greets softly.

"Hello."

She's sure that they're watching her. And she thought that this knowledge would make her more reserved, unaccustomed to showing affection in front of her friends. But she doesn't care. She doesn't care if they see how completely Adena affects her. Because Adena's standing in front her, beautiful as always, looking into her eyes, and Kat has to kiss her before leading her back to the bar.

"So you've met Sutton and Jane before, and this is Alex," Kat introduces.

"Sutton, I love your coat!"

"Oh my god, I was just thinking that about your jacket. I actually just bought this, and it's probably my new fav-"

The announcement that trivia is about to start cuts Sutton off and they move to find a booth large enough for the group. 

". . . Alright, now that we've got the rules out of the way, let's start out with some history. Who was the US President during WWI?"

Alex looks to his team expectantly, surely someone knows this. But he's only met with blank stares.

Sutton takes a large sip of her drink, "Yeah, you're screwed."

 

"What is the name of the actor that plays Batman in Batman Forever?"

"Hey, Jane, you know this right?"

"Shut up," Jane scoffs at Sutton and Kat's laughter. "I do, but it's because I grew up with brothers."

"Oh, we're just kidding, tiny Jane." Kat leans into her convivially.

"Oh, Pinstripe," comprehension dawning on Alex.

"It's Val Kilmer."

 

At the end of round one Alex turns in their answer sheet and Sutton goes to the bar, getting another round of drinks for everyone. 

"Jane, how was the panel?" Adena takes the opportunity to talk while the host is tallying scores.

"Oh, I really enjoyed it, I -. I just wished I had been more assertive when this guy was talking over me."

Adena groans lightly, understanding her frustration. "I'm sorry that happened."

"He was an ass," Alex rejoins them, "but she's being too hard on herself. What Jane offered was smart and insightful."

Jane smiles at him appreciatively.

"Hey! We're in the top half," Sutton refers to the rankings announced. She extends her drink, toasting their efforts.

 

"Lambeau Field is the home field of which NFL team?"

"Oh, I got this. It's the Packers."

"I always forget you used to be a sports writer."

"Sports writing to Scarlet, that seems like a big change. . .”

Kat stops listening to the words exchanged, focused on the ease with which Adena is able to engage her friends. And it's not even that Adena is trying to act a certain way to gain their approval. She's just herself. Genuinely interested. And kind. 

Kat inhales softly, biting her lip in reverence.

“Do you miss it?" Adena asks.

"Yes and no. I love sports, but the atmosphere at Scarlet is one I really love."

"The atmosphere? What about us?" Sutton questions in mock offense.

"I thought that was a given," he laughs.

 

"In the Harry Potter series, what pest did Luna believe could be found in mistletoe?"

Another question that leaves them at a loss.

"Dragons?"

"Way too big."

Nobody is able to offer anything better.

 

"Who was the Spanish surrealist painter best known for his work "’The persistence of memory’"?

"Oh, the guy with the clocks," Sutton exclaims, loosened by the drinks.

"Shh!" Jane giggles through her admonition.

Adena leans forward to quietly inform them of the answer - Salvador Dali - but Kat is very distracted by the hand Adena has placed on her thigh. 

When Adena sits back, Kat leans into her, whispering a question she already knows the answer to. "Can we get out of here?" 

Adena smiles, quietly answering "No", while squeezing Kat's thigh in mutual desire.

 

"Okay, I want a photo," Jane informs them.

"Why, we lost?"

"Memories, and also because I like the way that I look in this top." 

Jane has to take three photos before she's satisfied with the outcome.

"Okay, Adena. Now that we have officially met, I feel less creepy following you on Instagram. Do you mind if I tag you?"

"No, go ahead," she laughs. To Kat, "I'm going to use the restroom, excuse me." 

Kat briefly considers going after her, longing for some alone time. 

"Um, I love her."

Kat giggles, pleased with Sutton's determination. 

"She's really great, Kat. I will admit, I was worried when you all were 'just friends'" Jane moves her fingers in air quotations, "but she's so great. And you two are so great together."

"Ugh, you guys are too cute."

"Yeah, you all seem to complement each other well," Alex joins in.

Kat can feel the heat on her cheeks from the approval of the three most important people in her life.

"I'm really glad you all like her. Everything is so good, and I'm really happy."

***

Kat stirs when she feels the bedsheets lift, letting in some cool air. Adena is returning to bed after Fajr.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs quietly.

"No, don't worry about it." Kat turns over, curling into Adena's side, she throws her arm over Adena's body, hugging her close. 

Kat's eyes remain closed, enjoying the sensation of Adena stroking her face and then her hair. She hums contentedly. 

"You are so beautiful."

Kat smiles, placing a kiss at Adena's hip. "Take a picture."

"Can I?"

"Totally." Kat pulls Adena further down into the bed until she's the big spoon, holding Adena in her arms. She keeps her eyes closed as Adena takes the photo on her phone.

"I wanted to photograph you almost immediately upon meeting you."

"Yeah? Why didn't you ask?"

"Mm. Because. It was probably the first sign that my feelings weren't entirely friendly."

Kat's lips tilt in a small smile. "Oh. Well, you can take all the photos now."

"Too bad I can't post this one. Look at how lovely it is."

"God, you're gorgeous," Kat kisses her deeply, but quickly. She doesn't want to be distracted from her second thought. "Jane sent me a picture from last night. I think it's post-worthy."

"Let me see."

At some point in trivia, Jane must have snuck out her phone for the pic. Neither Kat nor Adena was aware of the camera, too focused on staring at each other, smiles lighting up both of their faces. 

Kat had seen the messages last night:

_Remember when you were trying to deny your crush_   
_and Sutton and I were trying to tell you how obvious it was you were into her_   
_It's because this is what your face looks like when you talk about her, or are near her, or think about her_   
_You get the point <3_

Kat knew that Adena looked at her with a warm affection that made her feel adored; she was prepared to see that. But now she was able to see what her friends had tried to point out before, that the way Kat looks at Adena is that of complete awe and appreciation. She is utterly, and happily, undone by her.

Adena nods, "Post it."

She chooses to caption the picture with a singular heart eyes emoji. It's fitting, and the best way for her to express the feelings she can't put into words, at least not yet.


	22. Vodka

"Want to get dinner?"

"I already made plans with Adena," Kat pouts apologetically, slinging her purse over her shoulder. 

"At least someone's killing it in the dating department."

The elevator sounds its arrival, and out walks Jane - with Pinstripe. 

"Um," Kat falters, "I thought you were headed home." Her questioning eyes dart quickly from Pinstripe back to Jane. 

"I was, but I ran into Ryan downstairs, apparently the building is closed."

"What?"

"Why?!"

"Trump," Ryan chimes in.

"So...vodka?"

"I'm in." Sutton's response more enthusiastic than Kat's. 

Kat follows the group as they make their way to the conference room. She takes out her phone to text Adena.

_I'm going to be late_  
_locked in the building bc of Trump_

Kat pockets her phone and takes a seat next to Ryan, watching Jane and Sutton fish out the vodka and whatever else they can find - leftover soda, plastic cups ...

They work seamlessly together creating a brightly colored concoction topped with whipped cream and a bendy straw. 

"I was promised vodka?"

"It's vodka based," Jane reassures, handing them each a drink. 

"The unicorn dreamtini is Scarlet's official cocktail of Fall." Sutton waves her hand advertising the drink when she notices Alex walking past. "Hey! Join us!"

She offers him her drink, when he takes a seat beside her. 

"Okay, no. We have to have something else here."

***

"Okay," Sutton returns looking triumphant. "I found a deck of cards and cheap tequila."

"Yes! That's what I'm talking about!" 

"Have you all been taking shots without me?"

"Nooooo," Jane purses her lips, shaking her head insistently. "We, uh-" she pauses, considering how to continue.

Kat drops her head onto her forearm laughing. "Tiny Jane, you're already so drunk."

There are tears at her eyes from laughing so hard at Jane's attempt to lie to Sutton. 

Although this wasn't exactly what she had planned for her Friday night, at least she's stuck with her best friends. And Pinstripe, who is actually kind of cool. And clearly still interested in Jane. 

She's only missing Adena. 

She checks her watch and sees that she is officially late for their date. 

"Hey, I'll be right back."

Kat leans against the wall for support as she calls Adena.

"Hey!" She draws out happily when Adena's face appears on her screen. 

"Hello," Adena's voice sings out and Kat's drunk giggling ceases. Adena looks absolutely gorgeous in a black jumpsuit and her wine lipstick.

"Oh, Adena, I'm sorry. I don't think I'm leaving anytime soon. He's having dinner across the street and there are protesters and," she sighs with disappointment. She would much rather be with Adena. 

"It's okat, Kat."

"But you're all ready to go out, and I'm stuck here." 

"Make it up to me later."

She knows that Adena is being kind, but her drunk mind wanders into dirty thoughts, and now she's smirking.

"Kat are you playing or not?!" Can be overheard in the background. 

"Excuse you," Kat turns to yell, "I'm talking to my - I'm talking to Adena!"

"Go," Adena encourages.

"I'll talk to you later."

Back at the table, Kat sees a pile of cards dealt out for her. "What are we playing?"

"Presidents and assholes."

"Appropriate for our situation."

***

Kat walks over to Jane and Sutton holding out two blazer. "Navy or black?"

"Woah!" Sutton eyes Kat, dressed in only her bra and underwear. "You really had some plans for tonight. Also, black."

Kat sighs, pulling the blazer over her lace bralette. "I really did."

Jane finishes her outfit with a pink cheetah print jacket. "Kat really got over her worries about 'this'." She jokes, motioning around her vagina. 

"I'm so glad I don't share a wall with Kat. Can you imagine how many broken lamps we'd have?"

"Oh it would be more than just lamps."

They all break out in laughter. 

"Okay, but seriously. It's been a while. Aside from all the really awesome sex you're having how are things?"

"Good. No, great. I really like her in a way I've never liked anyone else. It's not just the physical, it's everything. She's so amazingly talented, and smart, and fun..." Kat's words trail off in thought of Adena.

"No offense, but Kat, you are the last of the three of us that I would imagine in a relationship."

"Oh, no, I totally agree."

Kat pulls out her phone snapping a selfie for Adena before they join the guys for their andro-wear fashion show. 

_making the best of it_

***

"Coming," Kat calls from the kitchen, stirring the food in the pan vigorously. She turns off the stove before going to open the door. 

"Hey. Let me get that." Kat reaches out for Adena's coat and purse which she lays on her armchair. "I just need to plate the food."

She watches Adena wander around her space, looking st the pictures which litter her walls, the books splayed across her desk, the plants by her window. Until she returns to the kitchen area, leaning on the counter watching Kat finish up.

"I'm surprised you invited me over for dinner. I thought you weren't much of a cook."

"I'm not. But i wanted to do something nice for you. Something nicer, " Kat walks over to her, "than picking up the check."

Adena wraps her arms around Kat's neck, her lips coming closer to Kat's -"This looks very nice."- for a kiss. 

Kat's hands instinctively start working their way up Adena's side, pulling her closer. Kat could easily forget dinner, but she can't tonight. She pulls away from Adena, her tongue gliding over her lips one last time, teasingly. 

***

"This was very good, Kat."

"I'm actually pretty impressed with myself."

Kat's finger plays at Adena’s thigh, wanting more physical contact than their knees pressed against each other. 

"So, I was thinking," Kat looks into Adena's eyes despite her nerves. "Can I," she pauses feeling juvenile, "Can I call you my girlfriend?"

Adena sits up, leaning closer to Kat, a large smile on her face when she responds in exaggerate awe. "Are you asking to be official?"

Kat leans her head back on the sofa, laughing lightly. "Maybe."

She sits up, more serious, pulling Adena to sit atop her. "Yes. Adena el Amin, will you be my girlfriend?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Yes."

Kat stretches her head up to meet Adena's lips, squeezing at her hips as Adena's body rolls into hers. 

It's just a word for what they've already been, but Kat feels the added layer of meaning. And it doesn't scare her. It's surprisingly easy, and fulfilling; the way everything seems to be with Adena.

She feels its significance as their heavy breaths mingle together, their naked bodies pressing closer and harder together, until Adena lays still on top of her.

Falling asleep with her girlfriend wrapped in her arms is incredibly satisfying.


	23. Worth It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy vacay

“I know it's here somewhere.” Kat uses her phone's flashlight to illuminate the ground, searching for the right rock.

“Maybe they moved it. Are you sure you don't just want to call your parents? Ask them where the key is?”

Kat mulls it over briefly. It's not that her parents would care that she was spending the weekend at their cabin. She just. . . didn't really feel like talking to them about it.

“Oh, I think I -”

A loud bark from behind them startles her. She turns swiftly, trying to find the animal in the dark night. 

“Hey, who's out there?” A man’s voice calls out, shielding his face, when Kat’s phone finds him. 

“Oh, hey!” Kat recognizes him, “It's me. Kat!”

“Kat? Oh my God, I thought someone was breaking into the house. I didn't know you were visiting.”

“Yeah, it was a last minute trip. Oh, this is Adena, my girlfriend. Adena, this is Adam, our neighbor.”

“Hey, nice to meet you.” Adam reaches out to shake Adena's hand.

“Hello. And hello to you too,” she greets the dog, now begging at her feet for attention.

“We’re just getting back from a walk, huh.” He ruffles his dogs fur. “I'll let you all get settled in, but, hey if you’re up for it, I was planning on grilling tomorrow night. You're welcome to join.”

Kat thanks Adam as she turns to open the door of the cabin for Adena. “After you.”

***

Adena is packing away her camera, bright eyed and ready for the day. Whereas Kat is fighting back a yawn as she ties her shoelaces.

“Are you absolutely sure you don't just want to stay in bed all day?”

“As tempting as that sounds, I'm looking forward to this hike.”

“Alright.” Kat jumps up from the sofa, she jogs in place quickly, trying to get her body pumped and ready to go. “Let's do this!”

 

The first five minutes go by easily. Kat's able to maintain a conversation with Adena while walking, which distracts her from noticing the sensations of prolonged exercise. 

At about ten minutes in, Kat notices she's starting to lag a bit behind Adena. She knows that a few of Adena's pauses “to photograph the foliage” are really to let Kat catch her breath.

A spider encounter gives Kat the motivation to pick up pace and get through the last five minutes of their hike.

“Oh, this is beautiful.” Kat pants.

“I told you it would be worth it.”

Adena pats the ground beside her, extending her water bottle out to Kat.

Kat focuses on her breathing and rehydrating as Adena takes shots of the lake before them, a light trickle of water still flowing off a rock's ledge - in the summer it's a beautiful waterfall.

Kat scrunches up her face when Adena turns the camera to her, snapping a photo. It makes her giggle and then she settles into a calm expression as Adena takes a few more shots. 

“Ok, I want some pictures, too. C’mere.” 

Kat pulls out her phone for some selfies. Perhaps it's their visible happiness that makes their photos beautiful despite the flushed cheeks and sweaty brows.

***

Kat slowly makes it over the threshold of the cabin and is considering collapsing on the kitchen floor for the rest of the day. She opens her mouth to inform Adena of her plans, but her voice is caught in her throat when she catches sight of Adena's hands pulling at the bottom of her shirt. 

The process slowly exposing her lower back, inch by inch, the base of her sports bra coming into view, until the shirt is completely off and cast aside.

Kat reaches out, gently running her fingers up Adena's exposed shoulder, her lips following their path. She moves slowly, relishing the soft feel of Adena, leaning back into her touch, when her lips make their way to Adena's neck.

She's not sure if it's the nip to her neck or the squeeze of her hip that causes Adena to inhale sharply and turn, pulling Kat into a kiss.

When she breaks away, Kat can feel her breath on her lips when she tells her, “Come shower with me.”

Her tone is enough to make Kat take her immediately, but Adena walks away before Kat can do anything more. 

She should be rushing after her, but it takes her a second to move, the image of Adena's bare back, her fingers hooked into the sides of her leggings, drawing them down before she rounds the corner into the hallway, impairs her ability to function.

She finds Adena already in the shower, the water running smoothly down her body and an involuntary shiver runs down her back.

“Hello.” Adena pulls back the curtain, inviting Kat to join her. 

They've had enough sex that Kat is familiar with the beauty of Adena's naked body. But typically she is in control of their pace, taking her time to remove articles of Adena's clothing and running her hands over exposed skin, whereas now, seeing all of Adena's body at once, she's uncertain where to go first.

A kiss.

Adena's hands hold onto the back of Kat's neck as their lips crash together, the water falling over and between them, heightening the sensation of Kat's hands moving along Adena's body. The movement of Adena's tongue along Kat's mouth reminds her of a few weeks ago when Adena lay between her legs, the memory making her heat grow, she squeezes Adena's ass as she moves forward, pressing Adena against the cool tile.

“Fuck, babe.” Kat tries to slow herself down, to draw out both of their enjoyment, to calm the throbbing in her body elicited by Adena's softly drawn out “yes” in her ear.

She takes Adena's lips back into hers, working her hand over Adena's breasts, until her movements against her nipples has Adena calling out Kat's name, pleading for more. 

“Hold onto me,” Kat instructs, pulling Adena's leg onto her hip. 

Adena inhales sharply, her hands grip tighter at Kat's back when Kat works her fingers into her. 

She moves in and out of her slowly, following the rhythm of Adena's moans,picking up speed when it's no longer breathy whimpers but groans urging her for deeper, faster contact. 

“Yes, baby,” Kat encourages.

She can feel Adena's orgasm work through her body, as she makes the hard K sound, holding firmly to Kat as her body tightens, the rest of her name falling from Adena's lips as her body relaxes, struggling to stay upright. 

***

Kat fishes in the fridge, moving past the variety of beers until she finds the hard cider. 

“You know, I was caught off guard when you introduced your girlfriend. I’m pretty sure the last time I saw you, your stance on relationships was ‘unnecessary work’?” 

“Um, yeah,” Kat laughs. “That’s definitely how I felt. Then.” 

She looks outside the kitchen window to Adena seated at the fire pit with the rest of Adam’s friends. She’s laughing at something Adam’s girlfriend said, and Kat finds herself mirroring the smile. 

“Wow, you have it so bad!” Adam teases. 

“Ugh, I do. I -” Kat shrugs. “Adena just came out of nowhere and turned my world upside down, but in this really great way. And, I don’t know. She’s totally worth it.”

“Well, if you’re done gushing about your girlfriend, I found the marshmallows.”

“Ass.” Kat jokes, following after him. 

***

“Kat?” 

She turns over in bed to face Adena, “Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you want to play Never Have I Ever tonight?”

“Oh, well,” Kat plays with Adena’s fingers nervously. “It’s just that I realized, you’d probably learn a lot about me . . . Things about my past we haven’t talked about yet. Like. . . how many people I’ve had sex with . . . And I didn’t know how you’d react, what you’d think . . . of me.”

“Oh, Kat.” She runs her hand over Kat’s cheek, gazing steadily into her eyes. “I - I don’t know that there’s anything I could learn that would change how I feel about you.”

“Really?”

Adena nods her head, lips tilted in a small smile until Kat leans forward, pulling her into a sweet, languid kiss. 

Adena hears Kat’s silent request for Adena to reach between them and touch her slowly. Gently. Until she comes over and over again. 

A request that Adena is more than happy to fulfill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, say things to me. I guess if you don't like it say things too - just gently. Comments make me happy :)


	24. Crappy Days

"Kat could you. . . " Jacqueline waves her over from across the bull pen, inviting her to take a seat once the door is shut behind them. 

"I need you to host a reader's night. Round up some girls in our demo. Book the conference room for Thursday."

"Thursday?" 

That's less than week to get everything together.

"You have other plans?"

"No. Thursday's great."

She’s about to stand, when she notices that Jacqueline isn’t done talking. 

"I need what I'm about to say to stay between us. Likely you've heard about layoffs elsewhere in the building. Your job is safe. Digital and social media aren't even being discussed."

"But, print. . ." Kat had heard the rumors, but hadn't given them much thought. Who cares about Porch and Garden? It hadn't occurred to her that Scarlet could be vulnerable, that these layoffs meant anything for them. 

Not until this conversation.

"I'm fighting to keep everyone, but it will be a fight. That's why I need you to find girls in our demo, not just New Yorkers, but a cross section."

"Okay, I can hit up Times Square, the Sex and the City bus tour-"

"Great! We need to put together a series of questions; I want to know what they're connecting with. I want ammo when I go upstairs to the board this Friday - which is the reason for the rush. Kat," she pauses before pulling the glass door open, "I want to reiterate this is privileged information."

Her throat is dry when she swallows, "I understand." She can't tell Jane or Sutton.

***

Kat takes a seat in the conference room she just finished booking, overwhelmed by this knowledge she didn't ask for. She probably would have preferred to be kept oblivious. Keeping secrets from Jane and Sutton, especially one this big, is incredibly difficult. 

Kat breathes out slowly, deciding to take this time away from her desk to return Adena's call. 

"Hey, I was in a meeting."

"Oh, okay, I just felt like talking."

"You okay?" It's not like Adena to call in the middle of the day when she knows Kat is working.

"I'm having a bit of a hard day, but I’m okay."

"Well, why don't you tell me about your crappy day and then I'll tell you about my crappy day." 

Kat curls her legs onto the sofa, already feeling a sense of relief at knowing she has someone she can talk to.

"It's been one of those days where nothing seems to be going right. A model was late, I broke a camera, I forgot my lunch . . ."

"Oh, wow, babe, you are having a tough day."

"So I went out for a cupcake, and everything's looking better." Kat giggles - there's hardly anything dessert couldn't fix for Adena. "Now, you tell me about your hard day."

"Jacqueline told me there are going to be layoffs."

"Oh, Kat. I'm so sorry. You love your job."

"My job is safe, but my friends. . . Anyway they don't know. Jacqueline only told me. Which makes things. . . "

"Complicated."

"Exactly."

***

"Hello?!" Kat pounds on the door loudly, "Come on you guys, I know you're in there?"

Her fist is raised, ready to strike the door again, when she sees that it's been opened a sliver. A trash bag and shirt thrust into her face.

"Really?"

"Strip, please!"

"You are welcome. Your friends are not."

"They're bed bugs! They're on my bed, not on my clothes."

"Actually, they travel." 

Kat unravels the oversized shirt which reads Bros and Hoes. 

"Um, yeah, that's gonna be a no for me."

"Come in naked or not at all!"

"All of central park has seen my nipples, you think I care?"

Kat leans against the building, taking off her boots before she pulls down her jeans. She nods in greeting at the couple walking past, staring at her. She pulls the shirt over her head, tossing it into the bag with her jeans. 

The door swings open and Kat hears their phones sounding off each time they take another picture of her. 

"I'll be deleting those."

"Not before I send them to Adena!"

"Hmm," she considers, "I'm sure she'd appreciate some more."

"Wait are you telling me that you send her nudes?" Jane drops her phone following after Kat.

"Are you actually surprised?"

"Hmm, no not really -

" - wait does Adena send you pics too?!"

***

Kat drops her purchases onto the sofa, ready to collapse with them. "I have been to every major tourist spot rounding up basic bitches in our demo for this reader's night."

When there's no response, she continues, "Okay well I'm exhausted should we order food, put on RuPaul's drag race?"

"No! We don't want to watch TV, Kat. We're sitting her freaking out about our jobs."

"Yeah, I know." Kat looks down at the floor, unsure of what to say, she feels the throb of a stress headache growing.

"Then why won't you say anything?"

"Jane, please, don't ask me this."

"If you know something that could calm us down - Come on! We're best friends."

"Are you serious? I know we're best friends! Because while I was running around the city on my basic bitch roundup I was thinking about you and freaking out about the fact that you both might get fired," her voice begins to waver as she lets out some of what she's been holding in. 

"So that’s what I know. My job's safe and yours aren't. Does that make you feel better? Because it really doesn't make me feel better to tell you and I -," she looks around for an escape in the tiny apartment she's sharing with them. She picks her purse back up, "I'm going to Adena's."

***

As soon as Adena opens the door, Kat starts spilling out all her frustrations. Telling Adena how she wished Jacqueline never told her about this or hadn't basically sworn her to secrecy. Her anger at Jane and Sutton's lack of understanding, their pushing to get more out of her. She's in the middle of this loud, long winded complaint when Adena interrupts her with

"Have you stopped to think about how they're seeing this?"

"Of course I have!" She's no longer in control of her volume, or her emotions. "Are you serious? I thought that coming here, I'd have someone on my side -"

"Kat, that's not how I meant it."

"I thought I'd have someone who understood me."

"Kat! It's not just about you!"

Her raised voice and steely gaze silences Kat, catching her completely off guard.

"You haven't even noticed how I'm feeling!"

"What are you talking about?” Kat asks genuinely confused, ”You're not the one with their job on the line, or having to keep a really big secret." 

"I - " Adena stops mid sentence, resignation on her face. 

Adena turns around and walks out the door without another word.

***

Kat's finger hovers over the call button, ultimately deciding that 3 ignored calls was enough of a hint that Adena didn't want to talk.

She paces the living room, questioning what she should do. 

And then she finds herself moving through the apartment gathering the things she'd slowly started to accumulate here. The book she's currently reading on the coffee table, the jewelry on the night stand. 

The succulent they bought last weekend can stay.

She hadn't realized how much clothing she had here until she was trying to stuff another bra into her bulging purse. 

She was so fixated on making everything fit, that she didn't hear the front door, or the bedroom door, open. 

"What are you doing?" 

Adena's voice is quieter, but still firm, and Kat avoids looking up when she answers.

"I figured this means we're done."

"Kat?!" Despite the shock in her voice, she sounds more sympathetic, her hands reaching out to stop Kat from proceeding. "This was a fight! We work through it."

"But you left! And you wouldn't answer your phone." Kat finally looks up at Adena. The anger had melted away without her noticing, her eyes prickle with the threat of tears, "I thought -"

"I forgot my phone here. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I yelled."

Adena takes in a shaky breath, joining Kat on the edge of the bed.

"What's going on, Adena?"

"I . . . spoke with my father today. Just before you arrived."

"Oh my God, Adena. I'M sorry. I was so wrapped up in all of my shit, I didn't even notice how you were." Kat reaches out to hold Adena's hands, offering her comfort for what she knows will be a heavy conversation. She squeezes lightly, "Please talk to me about it. I want to be here for you."

“I’ll tell you about my crappy day, and then you tell me about yours?” she offers a hollow laugh as the first tear falls down her face. 

“Yeah.” Kat wraps her arms around Adena, running her hands over Adena’s arms, as she listens to Adena detail the argument she’d had with her father and the pain it brought her. 

She tells Adena about the stress she’s feeling over the layoffs, her sense of powerlessness. 

Her headache disappearing under the soft reassurances of Adena’s voice.

Kat shifts on the bed, knocking her purse to the ground so they can lay back.

“I can’t believe you packed your stuff.” Adena’s laugh this time sounds more genuine, and Kat joins her.

“I told you this was my first relationship. I - I don’t know how things go?”

“We’ll fight sometimes. And then make up,” Adena drapes her arm over Kat’s waist, “but that’s just sometimes. Everything else is, well it’s good.”

“I can do that.”

“Good, I’m kind of used to your blazers tossed on the sofa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like a lot of this chapter is stuff from the show, but I needed some set up to the Kadena fight b/c I knew I wanted to write a chapter with them fighting, but since I still feel like I don't really know Adena, and what they're like in their relationship this was incredible difficult. Also, I reeeeally want to finish this fic before the premiere, so apologies for whatever that means for my writing.
> 
> OH, and also, WHY DIDN'T JANE OR SUTTON MAKE A JOKE ABOUT SENDING THE PICS TO ADENA IN THE SHOW? - I had to make it happen in fic form.
> 
> Anyway, comments are oh so appreciated :)


End file.
